Baso Malang “Oasis” (revisited)

Yesterday, when I arrived in Sukarno-Hatta Airport, on the way out, the driver took the wrong turn and we had to go back to the departure area.
The last time I went to that area was 9th of July 2006.
Yesterday, I looked at Baso Malang “Oasis” as the car moved slowly through the driveway; everything was like a slow motion. I can see us there, sitting, laughing, taking pictures together..
There..in that place, we spent our last few hours together..rushing through the limited time. I remember that moment, so clearly as if it happens yesterday.
I remember, the moment you walked through that door and never look back. There was nothing left for me to do but turned around and walk away. So much for a good bye..

Probably that place had seen hundreds or maybe even thousands of goodbyes..of farewell. Had witnessed countless of tears and heart breaks, separation. And our goodbye is just another goodbye..

But maybe..tens of thousand of miles from that place, a place called arrival area in Arizona, will be another witness for a reunion..our reunion..
Hopefully soon...

Absurdity

it has become a routine..
Everyday, at the same time..
We meet in a virtual world, a realm called internet.
Well, it's a saviour realm for me. There, I can hear you, I can hear your voice, I can almost touch you with my mind..(Almost touch is not a touch..)

But..it's empty..there isn't any flesh, no fragrance, no warm breath..no soft silken skin..no real you..just your voice..

I miss you..Really miss you..
every second that I endure, is another note, musical note to end this serene lover's serenade...
Oh, How I would love to add more paces in this overture, get it over with, and begin the concert...

Missing you..

Me, My love and My Love..Part 1

My promise for the title “I cannot live without her”

I call her my lovely wife...
A 27-year old woman (yes dear, you’re not a girl anymore ^_^)
We shared moments, cherish them, best time, great times..
We’ve been through a lot, we will go through a whole lot more..
If you ask me, I’ll say I am really thankful, I’ve been blessed, and still being blessed.
When there no season, no reason not to love someone so deeply so eagerly painful, for every goods and bads that I bear, for every drops of tear, ounce of laughter, for the ups and downs, I will love her, and love her still..
Just like the vow I made “to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part”
Yet, I’ve decided not to let go, not even till death do us part....

Even now..

I read this in my friend's bulletin board, Even Now by Barry Manilow.
I don't know, but I can really feel the sadness in this song..
Well, I can only say to my friend, be tough, past is past. Let her go..
If you still love her, let her go, she's happy now and I'm sure you want her to be happy..

Even Now..

When there's someone else who cares
When there's someone home who's waiting just for
me
Even now I think about you as I'm climbing up the
stairs
And I wonder what to do so she won't see
That even now
When I know it wasn't right
And I found a better life than what we had
Even now I wakeup crying in the middle of the night
And I can't believe it still could hurt so bad

Even now when I have come so far
I wonder where you are
I wonder why it's still so hard without you
Even now when I come shining through
I swear I think of you
And how I wish you knew
Even now

Even now
When I never hear your name
And the world has changed so much since you
been gone
Even now I still remember and the feeling's still the
same
And the pain inside of me goes on and on
Even now

Even now when I have come so far
I wonder where you are
I wonder why it's still so hard without you
Even now when I come shining through
I swear I think of you
And God I wish you knew
Some how
Even now..

What's in a name..

"Tis but thy name that is my enemy;
Thou art thyself, though not a Montague.
What's Montague? it is nor hand, nor foot,
Nor arm, nor face, nor any other part
Belonging to a man. O, be some other name!

What's in a name? that which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet;
So Romeo would, were he not Romeo call'd,
Retain that dear perfection which he owes
Without that title. Romeo, doff thy name,
And for that name which is no part of thee
Take all myself"

The monologue above was taken from the famous Romeo and Juliet. Juliet's monologue, expressing her regrets over a name, or actually two names. Capulet and Montague.

I wonder, probably if not because of names, Romeo and Juliet (or whatever their new names) would have been together, living peacefully.
Yeah, I know, in the story, name is more than a name. It’s a family name, and the name burdened by family dignity, feud, hatred and vengeance..
Priceless or useless I don’t know.

Well, these past few weeks I’m a little bit ticked off by all the fuss regarding names. Hassle over something that actually trivial (according to me). It seems that some country (mmm..which country ^_^) really want to make it clear about first name, middle name, last name or any other names, I mean, I’m an ordinary citizen, with ordinary activities and I’m not some terrorists with lots A.K.A probably, or with hundreds of alias. In my country, we don’t really care about it, at least I never have any problems with my name or how they put it documents. My full name is my full name, no first name, no last name. Don Bosco Laksma Budya Wardhana, that’s my name, the whole me and nothing but me.
Yeah, I have but to obey this rule. I have to cut my name, separate them (I’m so sorry dad..) Put them into category.

But don’t worry, with or without my name, full name or empty name or any name..I am me, and always be me...Inside and outside..just like romeo..

Love 'n Peace..
^_^

Memories..

Earth, Sat, 090906,08.29 AM

Funny, how a certain object, memento, can throw you back through time..makes you remember about the past, your past, about your life, your love..and any events related to it..

Do you remember the Famous Five, by Enid Blyton? I've read them, maybe almost all of them, ever since I was still in elementary school. I've known their adventures, stories. But they belonged to the past, my past. I haven't meet them for probably 13-14 years. it was not until few days ago, that they suddenly came back. I accidentally found a complete collection of Enid Blyton works on the Internet. I downloaded them, and start reading. Then everything was like the past..It was not the story, it was not them, but it's about reading their adventures. I felt like I was sucked back to that time. I was laying down on my bed, reading, it's the same, just as what usually happened 13 years ago. Suddenly, I feel like I'm in my old house, the house where I stayed the first time I moved to Jakarta, our house..my room, everything feels like the past. I kept reading and reading and all the memories which were connected to the book came back to life. My friends, my friend's book, my childhood crush (^_^, mmm where is she now, I even forget her name), my school's library, the friendly librarian..I can list hundreds of things here..came back to me just because of a book..

You know, some people kept records of what had happened in their past. They collect memorabilia of events that they went through, and kept them as they move along. Some people moved on and never looked back. Erasing the story of their past, throwing away all stuff connected to them. I remember one day, I accompanied my friend to do a moving on ritual. After breaking up with a lover, all the letters, photos were collected and then burned. My friend looking blankly through the flame, as it washes away all the memories, ended with a sigh.

Well, not me. I’m the kind of person who collects memory. I kept them all in two places. One in my mind and another one in some shoe boxes. The one in the box, it usually got accidentally thrown away time after time. Some I hold dearly, some I let go heavily. But I keep them all in my mind, in my brain. In there, there are a lot of similar small boxes, contain a lot of memories. All of them are locked. I don’t have the key. Sometimes I found the key accidentally, the box was opened, and everything flings out. All the stories, events, person, memories. I cannot erase them, they belong to me, they contributed to what I am now. What I have become. They are parts of me...

drei monat..August 27, 2006

27th of August 2006..don's log. Sunday 21.15.

do you all remember what happen three months ago?
do you remember what day was 27th of May 2006?

It was Saturday, 27th of May 2006. Started just like an ordinary day..
I woke up early, around five, turn on my pc and play some games.
It never did occur in my mind that something was going to happen,
Something that changed my life and many others..

I had a lot of plans that day; I was going to take some pictures,
Do some preparation for my wedding which was due one week after that day
I was suppose to be busy with my wedding preparation..
But it turned out that I was really busy, but with something else..

There was an earthquake, and that day didn’t end as an ordinary day, that day become an extraordinary day, in the worst kind of meaning.
Thousands of people lost their lives and hundreds of thousands lost their home..
Probably, some even lost their sanity, their faith.
Until now, three months from the devastating earthquake, the life hasn’t quite back to normal. A lot of people still live in tent, no job, no income..
No future probably, they have only today and hopefully another tomorrow..
Three months ago, my wedding party was cancelled
Three months ago, all the preparation, all the plan was called off
But one thing, one important thing..
There was still a wedding, our wedding..
Simple wedding in Ganjuran,
In front of the temple of the Sacred Heart of Jesus

And Three months later..
Today..Sunday 27th of August 2006
I’m grateful
That we still have our wedding
That our family is okay,
That we still have each other
Even though we’re far away

And today, even when I cannot see you
And I cannot touch you...At least I can hear you..your voice
And I’m thankful for that..
Thank God (again and again and again)

Elegy of a dream..August 17, 2006

You came to my dream last night
or was it the night before..
It felt so real, your uninterruptible presence
reminiscing our sleepless nights
and early woken morning ..
Of the not-so-far past..
Bringing my every sense went astray..
our quick, short closed breath..
Inhaling..exhaling sweat saturated air..

It was when I’m with you...
It’s the long miles between us
Suddenly vanished into emptiness
I haven’t forgotten your figure..
Every inch of your body vividly emblazoned
In my palm, at the tip of my finger, on my lips..
Soft, sweetly smelled skin..
Gently surrounding my consciousness..
Embracing in a determine pace..
Slowly walking up hills..
Running, rolling, down hills..

But then..
Miles is a miles, distant runner came to an end..
Ending the spring time of my dream..
And all that’s left is just scrambled sheets
Dreary morning and short pulse of my heart
Your presence back in my mind..
In a fragrance, in an untouchable illustration
Back to real world, absence back in charge
Free but emotionally costly ride to reality..

You came to my dream last night..
Or was it the night before..

And tonight, I’ll be waiting, relenting
In that corner, in that room..
In an empty space, belonged to the past..
A restless dream...

I wanna be with her...August 10, 2006

Lonely jogja..10th of August 2006..

I wanna be with her..

I wanna have in the air that I breathe..
The fragrance of her hair
She’s in my mind,
Her presence occupies my memory
No, she’s not bothering my sleep,
She’s in my dream though
Not every night..but in every waking hour..
A sleepless dream..
A smile, buds of her smiles
Lingering in the corner of my mind..
While the rest of her, drown me in longing..
For her presence..

Do I still wanna miss her..
Do I have a choice..
I’m missing her..
And there’s no cure for that..

I just wanna be with her..
When she opens her eyes every morning..
When she closes her eyes at night
Let me count my longing and sell them
Let me save my sadness and burn them
Let me stack my hopes..
And build a bridge to a place..
Where she lives..
or..God..
please give me wings..
so I can fly to her not with my thoughts

Because...
I just wanna be with her...

Tech talk..August 03, 2006

wireless world..

Nowadays..(No, I’m not gonna say nowadays English plays an important role..bla bla..^_^) Nowadays, in the era of wireless, wireless this, wireless that. Everybody (possibly) boast the need of wireless. My friend even bought wireless mouse and keyboard.
What’s the use, it’s not that you’re gonna bring them everywhere you go. He already got too many wires and cables on or all around his desk, so losing two cables doesn’t really fix the chaos.
In my office, we have access point. So we have wireless connection, although not everybody used it, most of us still wired or cabled.
If you look at the notebooks spec these days, most of them are packed with wi-fi connection, wi-fi enabled. So, what the hell is wi-fi. Well, wireless fidelity. It enables devices to interact (exchange data, connect to web..etc) in any way possible with other devices (my own not-so-technical definition..^_^). In other word, no cables are required to connect to other devices or internet, no physical connection is necessary.
mmm..Physical connection? This is what brought me to wifey, errr I mean wi-fi topic.
I think that not only computer or electronic devices need Wi-fi. Relationship needs also wi-fi. What do you mean? Yeah, what do I mean? You see, as I said earlier, it enables communication without physical connection. And also the word fidelity, it means [fidelity n. 1 faithfulness, loyalty] according to, let me check first....according to oxford reference list. A relationship doesn’t have to depend on wired connection, or physical connection, even though a couple is apart from each other, no matter how far and for how long, if their relation is Wi-fi enabled, then that won’t be a problem. A couple will stay faithful to each other even when they are away from each other, even when there’s no physical connection between them.
Yeah, talk is cheap, and most of you would prefer not to have long distance relation. I mean who would want to be away from someone we love, right?. But, lets put it this way, you cannot always be together (24/7/12), who knows what might happen (not always bad thing, it was a good thing in my case). Something drags you away from your loved ones or vice versa. What if you cannot stand to be away from each other, or worst you cannot handle solitary, being alone, then you get lonely (loneliness, remind me to write about loneliness next time). Well, with wireless fidelity, you won’t have that problem, because you’re both connected wirelessly (a word?). Right now, as you can probably see from my posts, I’m away from my loved one, away from my wife (note that they’re refer to one person..^_^). The distance between us is 16181 kilometers (10,055 miles) straight line, meaning that on-road; we are more far away than that. It’s not easy, but not impossible. I’m sure that we’ll make it, no matter how far we are separated..because my relation is Wi-fi enabled.
So friends, is you relation Wi-fi enabled? If not then, upgrade it, it’s free..^_^
and don’t forget, buy wireless mouse and keyboard too.. hue he he he....

Testimony of quasi-witnesses..August 01, 2006

Yes, I know her; she walks this street every morning.
I kinda like her smile, she’s cute..
I know her, as she walks by every morning..

Me too, I know her, I saw her once.
We took picture together, she sat at my feet..
Not much happening here, so silent.
But I know her, she visited me once..

I meet hundreds of people everyday, didn’t really pay attention.
But I think I remember..She has this ring which she wears as necklace.
I know her. Such a lovely girl..such a lovely smile..

Yeah..
They all know you..They can see you..
Oh..what a privilege..
Such a lovely girl..such a lovely smile..

Long days..(really long)..July 31, 2006

I can’t live without her..episode 2 of a prequel..

It’s only been three weeks, yet feels like a million years .I can’t even remember how many times I have said I miss you. Just like the dust in the corner of my room or behind the door, I kept sweeping them everyday, but I missed them, all the time. They just linger there, looking at me, looking at you in my mind. I miss thousands of seconds that I spent without you. How I want to collect all my longing and trade them for pennies or dimes, just a spare, like a beggar. To buy my wings, my breath, to fly to you. I feel like Jon, sleeping in his bed of nails, waiting for the bird on the wire, who’ll fly me to you. I feel like the prologue of a story, and you are the epilogue of an unfinished work. That we will meet only if the story is finished and read. Right now, the story is far and away, and painful, every empty page of the book transpires sadness, unwilling to let go and finish the misery. I still have to endure them, however, testing my love, to My Love. And I promise you, till the last page, the last paragraph, the last sentence..the last word, letter..I will wait, till the prologue embraces the epilogue in a beautiful story..

Mind-numbing meeting....July 31, 2006

Mind-numbing meeting

Have you ever been trapped (voluntarily) in a bus full of people, and you're standing (with a bunch of people), for 9 hours?
Well, If you've been there, poor you then, I've never been in such situation. But what I went through today came very close..
I just had a mind-numbing meeting, so intense that I had to turn of my long term memory and minimize thinking. Everything feels so important yet personally trivial to me. Thank God it’s over (and hopefully with a good result).

I can't live without you..(such a cliche) but true.. July 30, 2006

I can't live without you..(such a cliche) but true..

Pffh..another breath out of this cold hungry body..(ooo..)
How long has it been..December the 5th..to 30th of July 06
Yeah, I lost contact with my blog, since it keeps messing up with my new post...
Decided to give it a try again tonight..

I’m here..still here, wandering in this virtual senseless world..I need home..but reluctant go back to my lonely box (that’s what I call my boarding room) I’m hungry but too lazy to leave my chair..it’s almost 10 PM..
I just finished chatting with my wife..(what!!...Wife?) yeah, I got married last June, fourth of June to be exact. Long story friend, very long. I’ll tell you if you have the time.
Have you got the time? Well, I don’t have the time, not now.
Mmm..if this works..(the blog I mean) if this time they didn’t eat up my new post. lost in space..then I’ll start blogging again..
And as for the title. It’ll have to wait too. Hopefully I won’t be too busy tomorrow..
There’ll be a meeting I probably have to attend..(probably, but hopefully not..^_^)

Take care now, Bye-bye then..(Tribute to Mr. Ventura..^_^)

Gute nacht..Bis Morgen

dums..dumss..log 2nd of Dec 2005

Pfh..another month passes by..
soon it will be 6 already..oopss..just the first half of a year.
will i make it..will we...~_~
Ugh..How i hate this complicatedness (a word?)

Well, saving some money..still 3.5 million away from my S2 IS..
Hopefully i can manage to get it before she leaves..

She's leaving? where? why?
Ugh..who am i kidding here..
Noboby cares..no one..
no one but some cats and five kittens...
or probably they didn't care too...

the leaf that falls on a rainy day...
see you in the next post...

Log 16th of Nov 2005

Pfh...two years....24 months..104 weeks..730 days..17,520 hours..1,051,200 minutes..63,072,000 seconds...that's a very long time of missing someone....
Dums...dums..dums..

Log..6th of October...

log..log...log...

tadaaa.....today is the 6th of october..nothing special...
this is my tenth post if i'm not mistaken..
actually i don't have any interesting stuff to share..
just popping in....
ok then...see ya..all..

Log..8th of Sept 2005

Going Home Again




Again, I find myself looking at my watch

And the minutes hand is going slowly to six

A sudden feeling of loneliness creeps up

Her voice seems to fade and fade

Laughter, voice and sounds of wind, faint

I am drowning in my own thoughts

The thoughts of being away from her




For another very quick second

I look at my watch again

The hand is like a silent assassin

It stops when I look at it, stand still

But when I turn away, it stabs me

Bringing me closer to goodbye

Cursed are the hands of time




Again, I wish the time to freeze

So I can be next to her infinitely

But then again, just a wishful thinking

Bow under the power of Chronus

The hand strikes six and it struck hard

I held my head up, breathe deeply and stand…

Drag my two cumbersome feet




Going Home Again…sigh

Log..log..16th of August 2005

My log..16th of August 2005, one day before Independence Day

I'm smilling..^_^
For two obvious reasons..
one, because yesterday is payday..so still have lotsa cash..:P
two, for sentimental reason...no need to describe it here..he he he

just dropping by..
bye...

Log..log..27th of July 2005

Log...27th of July...

How often do we have to say or express our feeling to our beloved. Is once a day enough, or twice a day..or every five minute? Will there be enough time to show our feeling to the one we love...

You know, I think that while we still have breath, while this heart is still pumping..we should always take chances to express how we feel towards the person we love...cause we never know what will happen, will tomorrow comes...Love like there's no tomorrow..

So,express it, say it and say it out loud..

Log..log..4th of July 2005

4th of July..whooa..today is the US independence day...not important he he he
Yeeaaaaaah...just came back yesterday..finally after a very long 8 days for me...
and then...the Sun shine again in my sky...^_^

Log..log..log..15th June 2005

Ehm...PAY DAAAAAAY!!!! Phew..gotta get that excitement out my head...
Now, to the mushy stuff, like any other blog he he..

..3rd of April..and then 3rd of June..both in 2005. Well, two months is the period between them. what could happen in two months..what has happen?

..mm..dunno..it feels right when it's right...right? or it can also feels wrong when it's right? he he he..nuff with the right and wrong.

today is the 12th day i'm sailing with my friend in the sea, with my new boat..and so far, the cruising is not bad, some big waves and some small ones...but deep within me, i feel a storm is coming..I just hope that my little boat can take it, and we'll survive...

Tschau...

My Log..27th of April 2005

Three weeks..what does three weeks mean...
Many things had happened to me this past three weeks..many wonderful things if I may say.

today's log. 01 04 05..

have you ever had someone flying around in you head and no matter what you do and don't do, this person keeps messing with your mind...
Well, whatever that is, damn I wanna get her out of my head..^_^

going to be quite busy today..a lot of translations to do...

Moving from Friendster Blog..

I'm moving from my friendster blog to this blogger. I think this host offers more designs, supports creativity and better than Friendster. I can upload my pictures also. Well, the next 21 posts are taken from my Friendster Blog.


Regards,

Nod