Nod's Life

Blogger for iPad (almost)

2011-09-14T00:35:00.001-07:00

Out of curiosity today I searched blogger apps for iPad. Too bad google decided not to have one for iPad, however they do have the iPhone version.so at the moment I'm typing on my iPad and will have it post automatically to blogger without going to my blog. I know it's probably nothing new to most of you but it is for me..

Overkill

2011-07-15T01:04:00.000-07:00

I happen to live in a housing complex surrounded by rice fields. I enjoy the green and fresh atmosphere. As the paddy get yellowish near the harvesting time, the farmers are busy fending off small birds. They used noise making instruments to scare or startle these starving birds, including not so inspiring scarecrow, made from crisscrossed woods donned with shabby used clothing. They seem to do anything possible to save their soon to be harvested crops. However, one thing that I noticed, they never try to harm these birds. They only scare them away. I was wondering if there was some kind of philosophy about it.
Anyway, as I was riding peacefully to work this morning, there was this one guy with a long sniper-style air rifle, he seemed to be aiming at one of this little birds. I didn’t see whether he succeeded or not but that very sight got me thinking (yay…) all the way to the office. Why would he want to kill such a small bird, he can’t really eat the bird (technically yes, but you need lots of them to make you full). Is he practicing on his shooting skill? Well, pick on someone (something) on your own size dude..

I'm back...

2011-07-14T00:33:00.002-07:00

hmmm...visiting my long abandoned blog.
My last post was in April 2009, so it has been straight 2 years without any posting in my blog.
well, starting today, I will try to write at least (God help me :-) one posting every week..
we'll see how it will come out..

I dream of a place where there is no hurt, no pain..

2009-04-27T21:13:00.000-07:00

The laws of nature, the physics are lopsidedly against human. We are, as human have to follow the law, living within the boundaries of what we can and cannot do physically. It doesn’t take an expert of physics to know that I will surely die if I fall from a tall building, flat on the concrete below with bone fractures and probably brain all over the parking lot. Funny to think that ants, with smaller and weaker body would most likely survived such a fall. That’s physics and even though countless Hollywood movies try to depict people with the ability to bend the law invulnerably, the fact is still crystal clear that we are just weak mortals, period.

How convenient it is that if our body is made of rubber-like substance with the durability of titanium that every time we collide or hit something so hard we would simply bounce and not even bear a tiniest scratch. Our bone is as hard as the hardest metal with high density which prevents it from breaking at an unbelievably high amount of pressure, but again, we are but a mere human with a lot limitations.

That leads me to a theory that God created us with boundaries and as long as we do not trespass that we will be ok. Human in general are only able to walk with the speed of 4-5 km/hour, that’s around 2-3 miles per hour. Running, which is only a little bit faster, are still within the safety zone. This ability will deteriorate as we grow older; it is a safety mechanism for our weakening body. Just think if a 70-year old person can run as fast as when he was still 20; probably he will have a heart attack or damaged joints.
However, everything changed with the invention of means of transportation. With horses, bicycle, motorbike, cars, we break the boundaries; with these vehicles we are traveling faster than what our body can handle a possible impact, a collision, and crash.

If you would think, how the injury would be when two people bump into to each other while they were walking 5km/hour, hardly any scratch, unless they got angry and punch each other (that’s another case). However, with motor vehicle, people who cannot run even faster than a dog would be able to travel at 60-80 km/hour easily. Now, think again, what would happen if two person on a motorcycle going 80km/ hour bump into each other. The word bump would have different meaning, they would inexorably crash into each other, not a pretty scene huh..

I’m a slow rider, I prefer to wait and I prefer to brake instead of honk because honking is not going to stop you from hitting other vehicle, but braking will, that’s a fact. When I ride my motorcycle on the road, I chose to ride defensively rather than aggressively. I always think that it only takes one careless driver to create a catastrophic road accident and the last thing I want is to be that person. I think that more lives can be saved if everybody is not trying to outrace anybody on the street.
There is one funny suggestion made by the police force in my hometown. It says ‘When in the city please drive/ride 30km/hours’. I know most of us laugh at that serious joke, that’s awfully slow compared to the general speed of the road user but when you all think about it, it is also incredibly safe. It will be a lot safer than going 80km/h in a crowded traffic, skidding here and there and with the best of luck, ended up in a morgue, not so wise eh..

No matter how important you think arriving 5-10 minutes faster at your destination, just think how minuscule that is compared to your whole life, and I’m telling you, so very not worth it..

For the time being, while waiting for my body to turn into super titanium shell exoskeleton (whatever that is) with the reflexes of a super ninja from outer space, I will still ride acceptably slower than the rest of the pack. This way, at least one less careless rider on the street..

So little time so many to watch

2009-03-22T03:29:00.001-07:00

I never thought I would say that sentence for TV programmes, at least not in these past few years. If you live in my country you’ll know what I’m talking about. Growing up in the 80-90s provided better TV experience for me. There are a lot of sitcoms, dramas and less addictive TV shows at that time. The ratio between local and foreign content is somewhat equal. My audio visual experience fell on a long deep sleep when Sinetron rules the TV universe and it woken up when VCD and then DVD movies flooded in Indonesian market, providing us with more choices, better options. I no longer feel the need of watching Indonesian TV programmes. In one of the rare occasion when I do watch TV is for the news which actually is quite redundant as I read most of the news already on the Internet (Full fledge of information, when I want it, how I want it and about what I want to know)
Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against Indonesian movies, serials and shows. However, I do hate the cheap, poorly written story and even poorer acting of our lovely Sinetrons which blossom in every channel of my country’s TV station. I just can’t stress enough that these kinds of Sinetrons really degenerate my already deteriorating intelligence. Of course every once in a while a good one comes out, but the chances are getting slim and slimmer as we speak.
One of my friends even took a little bit extreme step by forbidding Sinetron in his house. Of course he provides his family with cable TV which has more options and a better chance to deliver good shows, education and morals too.

And I’m not saying that foreign serials, dramas and shows are always better than Indonesians. I’ve had my share of shitty movies and drama back when I lived in US. But, let’s put it this way, if these foreign TV shows were aired all the way across Pacific Ocean in Asian TV station, particularly Indonesia, and that the directors our TV decided to actually pay to have them aired, then at least they must be decent,
I can’t imagine how our future generation would be if now they are being shoved by TV shows that rapes the human logics, strips down reasoning, cause and effect, and throws some cheap tricks and tears while they’re at it.
Hmmpfh, I tried not to fall to the rambling and ranting traps when I talk about this issue, but I guess I failed..

Back to the topic, what I originally want to say (before I was trapped into the bashing on the Indonesian TV shows) was that these past two weeks, I’ve been traveling away from my home town and had to stay in various hotels. The good things about most hotels are they have cable TV which provides me with over 50 channels; you name it they got it.
What initiated me to write this was last night when I turned on the TV; they had 3-4 different discovery channels, each with equally interesting topic. International news, talk shows, informative programmes that actually give you useful information and insight views of the outside world. I ended up confused which show I want to watch, switching from one channel to another, just like when I watch Indonesian TV channels except for the opposite reason.
I’m quite realistic, I can neither possibly hope that Indonesian TV stations would raise the quality of their shows up to a high standards nor keep on buying foreign serials with skyrocketing price due to our weak currency.
I just want them to really use their head to make average (if not good) quality shows which are not over exposing wealth, poverty, miseries and misfortunes. I want them to have a good writer or team of writers who actually sit down, put their head together and write something worth watching.
And maybe, I will start to watch Sinetron again just like old time..

To love you more

2009-03-09T21:46:00.000-07:00

To love you more

To love you, to truly learn to love truly. But I’m no angel no saint, I will fall down, down to my knees, stumble and muddle through, though I will keep myself from not loving you..

Loving you, no regret, just like the twilight, taken away by the dark of the night inevitably. Loving you is like walking upon every second of every minute of every hour, where there is no coming back. To love you is binding me, dragging me to one way road, where there is no other way, for I know not a way to not love you..

Loving you is falling down, burning my ego justifying your anger. Loving you is worshiping, adoring your sincere honesty and fidelity while accepting, living and enduring your lies

Loving you, is not arranging the words I love you, but to sacrifice in a way of a best righteous act out of every effort transpiring in my veins. Committing to possibly do the impossible, for love needs proof not words.

To love you till the last breath I breathe, till my heart bleeds the last blood, till every pain and pleasure subside, until my last flesh fade away from my body..

To love you more, is in the end to wish solely in loving though longing but not needing to be loved in return..

woopiee..1MB/day..

2009-03-03T23:03:00.001-07:00

I just can’t help it, I have to say something about it, it’s so ridiculously silly..
If you watch the TV recently there is a new commercial from Three. It’s about their new free mobile internet service. They are giving free 30 MB monthly bandwidth (max) for Three (3) user (terms and conditions apply). That means 1 MB per day for internet activity using your mobile.
Actually, I was fine with the 1 MB per day service; it was way better compared to XL super stingy 50 KB per day. The thing is they’re (Three) promoting it as if they’re giving out 100 MB free daily bandwidth. The ads shows people cheering up, acting hilariously happy after they get the..errr 1 MB/day free internet connection. I was just like wtf, who are they kidding, is this some kind of corporate joke that I don’t understand. Why don’t they use the money they allocate for the lousy commercial to pay for more bandwidth, like 10-50 MB per day? :-P. In case you want to know, I’m an Indosat Matrix user with unlimited monthly bandwidth and so far somewhat satisfied with its internet service (although super slow).
Anyway, this is just one of the rants I had against the internet price in Indonesia and when I come to think of it, I have objections to almost all of mobile-slash-internet providers in Indonesia..well, hard to please customer..:-)

I Do Not Love You Except Because I Love You

2009-02-13T21:55:00.001-07:00

I do not love you except because I love you;
I go from loving to not loving you,
From waiting to not waiting for you
My heart moves from cold to fire.

I love you only because it's you the one I love;
I hate you deeply, and hating you
Bend to you, and the measure of my changing love for you
Is that I do not see you but love you blindly..

by Pablo Neruda

New Year

2009-01-25T08:22:00.000-07:00

So much for New Year spirit, it’s already the 25th day of the first month of 2009, so the year is not so new anymore. I remember last year that I did not post in my blog until 21st of Jan 2008. Well, I have a lot of writings, but as usual, too lazy to edit, polish and post. So, for the time being, let me just end my first post of this year by saying happy New Year and have a better life (fingers crossed)

Blind Faith

2008-12-19T12:37:00.004-07:00

Justice maybe blind, but it can see in the dark and so does my fingers..
I just realized that I had just finished typing two postings in total darkness. Well, almost,all the lights in my room are off, the only light was from my laptop screen which I set really really dim to avoid expossing my poor eyes with exessive light...
Hmmmm, not only does my fingers has eyes, but they can see in the dark also. Maybe I should switch my eyes with the one on my fingers..he he he

Three Leaves of the Past

2008-12-19T12:27:00.001-07:00

The first leaf..
Green leaf, gone, blown away by the wind..
I was green and so was she..we were still green..
Long time ago, the tree was high and the wind was strong
I tried to reach the twig where she stays but I failed every time
One last try, I finally reached the twig where she stays but alas
She was gone, no trace..
The first leaf..
Green leaf, gone, blown away by the wind..

The second leaf..
White leaf on a plant with red roses..
I was here watching her, and she was there on that branch
There, where the branch are full of thorns, can’t reach her
Though I am there, where she was near, with thorns that I fear
In the end, when the sun sets, where I can only regret
She withered in my heart..
The second leaf..
Beautiful white leaf on a plant full of thorns..

The third leaf…
Yellow leaf, the forbidden leaf, made me lost my faith
She was down, I picked her up, but it was dark
That night, it was raining hard; grasp her tightly in my hand
The rain drops felt like needle on my skin
I didn’t realize, my hand loosened and she slipped away
She slipped herself away from me
The third leaf..
Yellow leaf, the forbidden leaf, made me lost my faith

Three Leaves of the Past..of my past

Heart Drive Storage

2008-12-19T12:19:00.000-07:00

These days hard drive or hard disk is getting more and more advance, sophisticated. There’s one that has some sort of motion sensor, detects shakes, movement so it can predict sudden shock. There is also SMART technology, the hard drive that has SMART technology is smarter than other hard drive, SMART stands for Self-Monitoring Analysis and Reporting Technology (to tell you the truth, I had to looked up on the internet for that :-).
Anyway, at this point you’re probably wondering about the typo you thought I made on the title “Heart Drive Storage”. Well, that was not a typo and I’m not going to talk about hard drive (though I already did a little bit). So, what the hell am I going to talk about? What does hard drive got anything to do with heart, what’s the relation?
There is a relation, but we’ll come to that later. Right now, business first.

Events (not sure that’s the right word) which I observed these past couple of weeks made me think (I know, too much celebrity gossips). How in this real world, love is not fair. It’s not fair at all. How do I come to that conclusion?
Ok, let say a love is a heart, to love one needs a heart. In a perfect and ideal world, an idea which probably only existed in my head, one person can only have one heart inside his chest. Let me repeat, in a person’s chest there is only one heart allowed, which is his own heart. When he loves someone, he would give his heart (or love) to that other person. Of course owing to the fact that a person can only have one heart, the other person cannot receive that heart unless she gives her own heart (remember heart=love) to the first person. Confused yet? Let me make it simple, these two persons are exchanging their hearts. He gives her his heart and in return she gives him her heart (my default orientation is he and she, so for others like he and he or she and she please bear with me) .Just as simple as that. Once they exchanged, there is no space left in his chest for another heart and there is no other heart left for him to give to another person. They are legally, emotionally bonded, tied or whatever you call it. How perfect that is (unless someone spotted a loophole in my theory :)
Bad news for you all (or might be good news), in our lovely real world. There is no single space/slot chest, there is no single heart. In a person’s chest, there are multiple spaces and a person may possess more than one heart (of different sizes). The outcome is that a person can receive more than one heart at the same time and of course, that person can also give multiple hearts to many people. Scary isn’t it?
That’s not all. It only gets worse because there is also fake heart. Beautifully crafted fake hearts which are usually owned by playboys, womanizer (sorry guys, don’t mean to take sides). They crafted fake hearts with attention, sweet words, gifts, roses, you know, the things that women loves. They even make fake hearts with misery, misfortune and other unfortunate things to get sympathy. These people, they probably don’t know where their real heart is (if they have), the hell, they probably can’t recognize it because their chest is full of fake hearts. Shame for the human race..
But no worries, somewhere out there, there are still higher breed of human. Person that only has one heart, one real heart and there is no other storage for multiple hearts. You don’t have to look for these people. All you have to do is just wait and keep loving whomever you’re with, because eventually, after a series (can be few or a lot) of bad episodes, he or she will finally found you..

Wait, just one last question..
How many storage do you have in your Heart Drive?

p.s. If you have a heart time oops, I mean if you have a hard time understanding this, please change all the word ‘heart’ into ‘love’, maybe it will make more sense.

Size Does Matter

2008-12-16T19:16:00.004-07:00

After trying it out for about a year on my other blog (Bikini Island), I finally decided to change the picture and the size of this blog's header. It's not really difficult, I was just too lazy to edit the HTML code and change the setting. Anyway, I picked the picture, upload it and now I have a new blog header and bigger size..:-)

3G Modem cum GPS Receiver part 2

2008-12-16T02:04:00.005-07:00

This screenshot was taken from my laptop after I successfully installed free Indonesia map from Navigasi.net. Million of thanks for the GPS guru there.. :-D

btw,I'm not planning to post any tutorial or guide as there are already dozens of them on the internet.

3G Modem cum GPS Receiver

2008-12-12T18:16:00.005-07:00

I bought a 3G modem couple of days ago. I felt the need to buy it since I couldn't risk breaking my cellphone, having it connected to my laptop all the time. My cellphone LCD screen flickers everytime I connect it to my laptop.
Did a little browsing and finally picked up a Sierra Wireless 881U 3G modem. Dunno much about this 3G technology, so my choice was based on the latest model available on the market in my local computer stores.

First impression was okay. It connects instantly, faster than my cellphone. However, the connection is the same, slow but acceptable (bearable :-) most of the time. Somehow, overtime I learn to appreciate that slow connection is better than no connection ..:-)

Yesterday, I accidentally read in a forum that my modem has a built-in GPS receiver. I went here and there to find more information about it. It turned out that I have to update to the latest firmware first from Sierra, because apparently my modem, which was an AT&T bundle, had the GPS feature locked by AT&T.
I went to Sierra homepage and downloaded the latest available firmware and start updating. I was very nervous because this was the first time I'm updating firmware of any of my device. I know that failure in firmware update could render my device useless. Waiting impatiently for about 15 minutes, starring at the screen. Fortunatelly, everything went well and my modem is updated with GPS feature..yippie..:-D

The second step was installing the GPS version of 3G Watcher. Again I had to download from Sierra. Upgrading driver from non-GPS to GPS was a breeze, in less than 5 minutes my laptop was already GPS equipped..:-P
Problem arised when I want to connect (or whatever terms used in GPS) to the GPS satellite. it took me countless of try outs and retry just to connect to the satellite. All ended up in failure. My first assumption was my GPS module was a dud. Well, I was not ready to give up yet and started googling for any information in connection failure. From many experiences that I read in GPS forum, the 881U had difficulty connecting to satellite inside a builing. I didn't know that because a friend of mine has a Garmin and it works pretty well inside and outside. I guess the real GPS device has a better signal reception.

Anyway, I started walking around my office,going outside, to the meeting room, looking for signals..:-). Finally, when I went to the backyard, an open space with clear skyview, my laptop picked up 5 satellites. The GPS automatically displayed my coordinate..yeaaahhh..clicked the Google map link and voila! it showed my exact location in aerial photo, where I was standing. I would have jump up and down if I was not holding my heavy 15 inch laptop..:-P

Whohooo..I have a fully working GPS receiver. It's like getting a free gift because I only meant to buy 3G modem..he he he..

Ehmm..one last task to do..I have to find good GPS application and Indonesia map so that I don't have to be connected to the Internet everytime I want to use the GPS...
That is not a really hard and expensive thing to do here in Indonesia, if you know what I mean :-P

Long relationship

2008-11-18T23:25:00.000-07:00

There are some couples I know who I didn’t think would break up. They are the couples who have been together for a long time. How long is long in a relationship? Is it one year, two years, 5 or 10 years? I would say somewhere around 5 years is long enough. Long enough for the person involved in the relationship to know about the other person. To know about the goods and the bads. I’ve only been with my wife for little more than 2 years even though I’ve known her for 11 years. So I can consider our relationship is still young. Someone might argue that time measurement is relative; the quality of a relationship cannot be measured by the year it has been established. True, but I have to say that sometime things take time. Love, understanding, and acceptance take time.

I watched a movie last week, Weatherman. Story of a divorced man, struggling to pull himself together, to put his life on the right track and to get everything back in its place. He has 2 kids; one is already in high school. So he had been married for quite a long time. He has problem with his attitude, he’s forgetful and he can be such an ass sometimes, cursing and yelling. I guess that was one of the reasons why they got divorced. The movie touched me; it’s so human, natural, and fallible. It’s just sad watching him trying and failing all the time. In the end, even though he succeeds in his career he is still failed to bring his family together.

Was there a point of no separation that once a couple reaches it, they will not separate no matter what. A point where it’s not about time, it’s about connection. Where they already know the deepest and darkest secrets of each other. Know what each other was thinking without being able to read their mind.
I know a couple who had been together for 9 years and I guess they already had their share of tears and laughter. A couple that I thought would never break up, but I was wrong. They broke up for the reason that I could not comprehend. For the reason that I thought was trivial to what they had, what they used to have.
Probably they had nothing, probably they were holding on a broken relationship for so long that they didn’t realize. Probably they don’t really know each other, just a void togetherness..

Hmmm…makes me hungry..thinking about this kind of stuff…

Did we miss our little life?

2008-11-18T01:05:00.000-07:00

Did we miss our little life?
The siren in middle of the night
Peeking out the dirty dusty window

Did we miss our little life?
The slow lazy Sunday morning
Lingering on till the sun’s flying

Did we miss our little life?
The green rusty bench at the bus stops
Waiting for numbers to come..

Was it thirty, forty four, ah alas, it was red
Yes we missed it. Was it our life
Or another thirty minutes or so..

Missing our little life amidst of rain..

Finally..

2008-11-13T19:35:00.004-07:00

Guys, If you can see this post, it means that I'm already connected to the mobile internet..
I'm using N6120C and Indosat 3.5G Unlimited. Yeah...I could just scream and jump all over the place..(literally..:-))
Finally after waiting for 3 days, 3 looong days, I can connect to the Internet wherever I am (as long as there is Indosat signal)
Bet my wife can't wait to borrow my laptop tonight..:-P

from September 5th to October 9th

2008-10-08T18:37:00.004-07:00

I haven't been able to post here for over a month. I did wrote some stuffs but haven't had the time to upload them. This has been a busy month, there's always something more interesting to do than posting blog when I was sitting in front of my laptop. For example, I finally got PCSX2 to run on my ASUS and load FFX I smoothly (graphically speaking). It was not a miracle or coincidence. I spent a lot of times and countless of crashes and restarts to get the stable configuration. Well, it was worthed, an unforgettable moments seeing the intro screen where all the FFX characters are gathering in Zanarkand. That's just the first step, I have a large box full of my old PS2 games waiting to be revived :-). So, expect a long and longer time between each posting in my blog.. :-P

Lost in Mac

2008-09-05T01:58:00.002-07:00

One of my friend had the chance to involuntarily migrate from PC to MAC (albeit reluctantly :-P). My office bought an iMac, the big one, the one where all components cramped inside a 22-inch LCD monitor. Since he’s the public relation, the head of IT division and the one responsible for all designing processes, the big Mac (not to be mistaken with Ronald’s big mac) fell on his desk. Now, his desk looks tidy and neat. No more cables and wires except for the tiny keyboard and mighty mouse with only one button. He was well prepared, even before he got the Mac, he already bought all the necessary applications. Word processor, antivirus, internet messenger :-P, he has it all.

I wanted to try it. So there I was, in front of the big Mac, mighty mouse on my right hand, and tiny keyboard on my left hand ready to explore uncharted realm of OSX Leopard. A sudden feeling of loneliness creeps within me. I tried the menus one by one, it was a whole different creature with strange symbols for shortcut. I tried hard to feel the famous user-friendliness of Mac but couldn’t feel it. I was confused with the missing right click button. The small pop up windows which has no close button and minimize button. The swirling line symbol on the keyboard which suppose to have the same function as Windows logo on PC. I felt like using computer for the first time.
I was saying to myself, my friend must be smart, he picked up immediately and looks like he’s already know everything about Leopard. Then he said something seriously funny, “I think I need to install bootloader so I can install XP on my iMac” . ha ha ha…it turned out that I’m not the only one who’s lost is iMac.. :-P. No offense to Mac user, but for people like me, Steve has to make Leopard not just user friendly but extremely user friendly…

Hablar español?

2008-09-05T01:21:00.001-07:00

Estoy intentando traductor Google característica.Yo realmente nunca confiar en este tipo de traductor.Estoy pensando que podría ser interesante para poder escribir en español. Sé que las personas que hablan español se verá como este raro traducción.bueno, tal vez algún día puedo escribir en español sin la ayuda del traductor.

Can't understand? it's okay, me neither..:-). I was just trying one feature of iGoogle which translates the sentence you typed. I don't know whether it gives correct translation or not, but at least it's faster than looking for the individual words in dictionary.

To mouse or to touch pad

2008-09-03T00:52:00.002-07:00

Finally I have a desktop PC. I’ve been using laptop for almost 2 years but deep in my bone I’m still a desktop guy. There’s something sexy and appealing about that big noisy box which is sitting on my desk. First day I got the desktop, I quickly opened the casing and installed two PCI-e cards. One is e-Sata internal to external connector and the other is my 3-year-old good for nothing pixelview tv tuner. TV tuner that I regretted buying it, well I’m still regretting it now. The e-Sata didn’t work, it did not recognize both my external hard drive 2.5 inch and 3.5 inch. I don’t know why because my laptop e-Sata slot recognized my external drives. Then I moved to my tv tuner. Installed the driver (after digging through piles of books, papers, wire, cables) only to find out that it doesn’t work, the way it didn’t work 3 years ago. Installed dscaler hoping that it would work,. Well, it worked, half working. Only the pictures showed up without any sounds.
Apart from these two misfortunes, my desktop is working properly although it’s not as fast as my laptop. Did I tell you I have a new laptop? I’ll tell you about it later..

Chasing Kangaroo

2008-09-03T00:42:00.001-07:00

For these past 2 weeks I’ve been busy preparing documents and filling out forms. September 5th is the deadline for ADS Scholarship application admission. I’m trying my luck, who knows at this time next year I’d be in Australia chasing Kangaroo :-)
I’m not really good in bragging about myself (maybe there wasn’t anything to brag about :-P) and this was how I felt when I filled out the application form. I schemed through 19 pages of endless questions and fields. I was intimidated by how these questions gave a lot of chances for people who has big achievements, accomplishments, whatever.
Starting from the first page, GPA. Good Lord, I’m not really proud of my GPA. I reluctantly typed my GPA knowing that I’m only 0.07 from failing the requirement. Pfh, so much for studying in university for 5 years, I could not even pull my GPA above 3.00. I know I would type excitedly, gladly and willingly if my GPA were 4.00.:-). Well anyway, past is past, I moved on and thinks that my GPA is not giving me any contribution to my working life whatsoever. Or would I get higher salary if my GPA were 4.00? ($_$ hmm..)
I have finished filling out the form and I’m sending it out first thing tomorrow morning. I would not dare to even think that I would be short-listed for an interview. So, I’ll just sit tight and enjoy the waiting game.

Heaven or Hell

2008-09-02T01:48:00.001-07:00

I wonder, what will happen to us instantly after we are dead. Are we just gonna wake up from our physical body and run around naked? Because logically we do not have the privilege of keeping our clothes, since it belongs to the physical world. Just as we left our body and in what form do we take after we are dead. If we take the last form right before we die then I feel sorry for them who died old, cause they're stuck with all the wrinkles.
I got so many questions about life after death which has nothing to do with religion. Are they (heaven) going to provide us a guide book, which way to go or what to do. Like Life after Death for Dummies or ABCs of After life. cause they ain’t giving us enough guidance when we are alive. Another thing, can we fly after we die? Cause I've been spending all my life walking, surely I don’t fancy living for eternity on foot. Phew, so many complaints, and I don’t even know where I'll end up...heaven or hell

Sleepy TOEFL

2008-09-01T00:45:00.001-07:00

Having a recent TOEFL score is one of the requirement for applying ADS scholarship. I don’t have any recent score, I don’t have any score at all. Yup, I never take TOEFL test before, any kinds of TOEFL.
So, two weeks ago, I dragged my lazy feet, brought my brain along (don’t wanna forget that) and take the ITP TOEFL test in Sadhar.
Saturday morning, 8 am and I was so sleepy. There I was, back to my university, in a language lab, sitting in one of those tiny half-a-meter cubicle. I was physically prepared, I got my pencil, eraser, sharpener, sniper rifle, you name it I got it. But I was nervous, can’t remember when was the last time I took a test. Strangers with tense faces all around me. There was a big wall clock in front of the class and I feel that it was running faster than it should. Everybody seems busy doing their businesses and I was hungry and sleepy and nervous, oh God.
I opened my pencil case, started sharpening my already-sharp pencil while waiting for the question sheet. The test started, listening, structure and reading. I crunched questions by questions, riddled by the questions or answers or probably both, especially the grammar. God I hate grammar. Everything went swiftly and I was finished 15 minutes before the time ended Put the answer and question sheet inside the folder, didn’t even bother to check my answers and peacefully took a short nap :-D. Dreaming, what a strange way to start a day in the end of the week..

I have 1.2 Terabyte of combined storage

2008-08-07T20:17:00.000-07:00

My first computer had a 20 GB Quantum Fireball hard drive. It was big, 10 years ago when everybody was still using 10 GB, when an installed Windows is only 1GB and most games only takes up place around 700 MB-1 GB.
After six years, I bought a new computer and the hard drive is a whooping 200GB plus another 40GB that I used as external drive, 1000% increase from my first computer.

Now, three years later, my laptop hard drive and all of my external drives, the combined storage is 1.2 TB. Wow, that is 1200 GB.
Mmm..why do I need so much storage space. Let me tell you, now a recent game will take from 4-10 GB of your hard drive. Fresh installed Vista is maybe around 5 GB and all the software, music, videos, movies (which may take up 4 GB per movie) can eat storage really fast. Can you imagine? If I used my old 20GB hard drive, it will be full the second I installed Crysis and Office software.

I’m wondering, maybe in a not so far future, gigabyte will be extinct, less and less people talk about it. Just like kilobyte and megabyte. I no longer see flash memory in megabytes let alone kilobyte. Now everybody seems to have USB flash drive with the minimum size of 1GB..
Ah…I remember the days of 720KB and 1.44MB floppy disk…

I had a fried egg, tofu and tempe for lunch today

2008-08-06T20:08:00.002-07:00

I often resort to internet when I have question or problem with my computer. My favorite search engine is Google. Recently I notice that every time I search for something I ended up in someone’s blog (some techie guys). And it was very helpful. How they give information, support, help and any assistance for free (except if they gain money from the ads on their blogs).

It has become a trend nowadays (I think) that people share their knowledge in blogs. It’s kind of like publishing a guide book on anything that you know (or you think you know) and without all the fuzz in finding publisher, designing the book cover (you can design your blog though, but you don’t have to)and this and that. In blog, just type and publish. You can always edit your ‘book’ later on if there some mistakes.and you'll get immediate responses from your readers (praise, curse, anything you name it) It’s really a convenient way of expressing yourself.

I, myself have been blogging (with a very few posts ^_^) for few years and I have to admit that my blog is not really informative, well, not informative at all. It’s not gonna help anyone with their computer problem, let alone love problem.. ^_^. My blog is about me and my world. It’s as simple as that.
So, now back to my blog, anyone interested in what I had for lunch today? :-P

wardhana@ymail.com

2008-07-03T19:09:00.000-07:00

Every time I want to sign up for new email address I always tries 'wardhana', my last name. However, since I'm probably the hundredth million member, my name was always taken. As I was browsing Yahoo main page this morning, I noticed that there's a new Yahoo mail with 'ymail.com' domain. So I quickly sign up and fortunately my name is not yet taken.. :-). It's not that I need another email address since already have 3 yahoo mail account..he he.

Log 030708 1.25A

2008-07-02T11:23:00.001-07:00

After a whole month living without decent Internet connection I'm finally back to virtual world. I started working yesterday but it was not until today that I really started my work. Yesterday was the re-acquaintance with my work, I mean my daily activities :-)
If you notice there's a great deal of differences in my posting count before and after I went to US. I used to sit in front of computer for 8-10 hours when I was still in Indonesia two years ago. Then I went to US where I was not always in front of computer. Gathering motivation to actually post something that I have written is even harder that writing a post.
So, now I'm back, I'll be working in front of computer for 8 hours a day (at least). Hopefully I'll be able to post something every now and then. That'll give me something to read about my life when I'm already 90 years old and already forgetting everything :-)

Adiós Mi Guitarra

2008-06-28T00:48:00.001-07:00

A little bit more than a month ago I had to make many hard decisions. Coming back home was both exciting and overwhelming. Flying for more than 24 hours, across the ocean was hardly possible (or impossible) if I want to bring all my belongings.
Therefore, starting from 3 months before I go home, I start to give away or throw things. I had to throw my shoes, shirt, t-shirt, pants, sell my Yamaha keyboard and lots of things. But there is one thing that I really had a hard time to let go. It was my guitar. Considering what I had to go through when I bought that. It took 3 hours of a bus ride to go to the music store and another 3 hours plus getting lost somewhere in Phoenix to go home.
So I had to wait till the last second to let it go. I sold it, though I actually want to give it away but I need the money to buy another guitar back home.

Adiós mi guitarra, yo sé que usted más divertido que cuando estás conmigo..

No microwave? No problem..

2008-06-28T00:28:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I bought some Bright Moon (or Sweet Martabak :-P). Actually for the last two days I always bought it. It's one of my favorite food and everybody in the house also liked it. Usually we (or I?) can finish it within minutes..:-)

Last night I couldn't sleep, so I pack up my backpack and move from my room to the dining room. I was planning to study German. It was around 11.30 PM when I suddenly felt the urge to munch something. You know how I get hungry easily when I'm thinking (maybe I get hungry easily all the time :-). I was sitting at the dinner table and there was a small plate of something I couldn't really see because of a food cover on it. So I opened it, to my surprise it was the Martabak. Without thinking even once I grabbed one large piece and took one big bite. It was cold, not as good as when it was still hot. I was saying to myself, too bad there's no microwave. I could turn warm up this cold lump of sweet martabak.

On the edge of my desperation I remembered my laptop exhaust. It always blows out hot air when I play game. So, I put a couple martabak in front of the exhaust, play MOHA Airborne for a few minutes and voilà, hot martabak is ready to be served.

You can try this at home. But this won’t work if you have one of those cool and quiet laptop (sorry Mac users :-P)

No microwave? No problemo… :-)

Windows cannot find any network

2008-06-27T01:14:00.001-07:00

Windows cannot find any network

Is the sentence that I've been reading for this couple of days. For the last two years I had been living in areas where Windows always find networks, either secured or unsecured.

Now that I'm back to Indonesia, my home country where Wireless Internet connection is less common (which I think 'less common' is an understatement :-), my laptop cannot seem to pick up any wireless signal.. Gone is the night of endless browsing, typing anything that crosses my mind in the Google search box.

When, In my lovely country, can I find doors to internet everywhere so I can just jump out and travel all around the world..someday..

when there's no more hunger and poverty,

when everyone receives equal opportunity,

when no crime goes unpunished

and no good deed goes unrewarded..

when pigs fly in the sky...

someday..someday..

30 years..

2008-03-17T23:34:00.005-07:00

Mmm..thirty years is 946,080,000 seconds or 15,768,000 minutes or 262,800 minutes or 0.2998010645 Century..:-)

I know I haven't been able to post anything this year except that short welcome 2008 post.
So, I turned 30 today. I was thinking, maybe I should post something special or momentous
in my blog today.

Well, here I am, sitting in front of my laptop and I don't know what I should write..
I can recap all my achievements in these past 30 year, but I don't have a lot of achievements yet, except that I managed to stay alive for 30 years. I haven't killed anyone yet (intentionally or unintentionally). I finished my school, from kindergarten to University (failed once in fourth grade :-)

Or maybe my love life? mmmm..I didn't have much of a love life, let alone an interesting one. Well, except the one I'm having with my wife now..it's interesting, ask her if you don't believe me.. :-). I only had a few crush, and I guess there was nobody got a crush on me.. :-). I have one relation gone bad but I now thankful that it failed..

Mmm, working life? not bad, I stayed unemployed for 5 months after I graduated and then worked for 3.5 years. then unemployed again for 1 month and work again until now...

So, thirty years seems like a very long time, it is actually. I even have to said it few times today, I'm thirty now, I'm thirty.. :-).
Now that I'm getting old, what's my goal in life?
I don't know, I'm always be one kid that doesn't know what he wants to be when he grew up. I just face life as they come..

If you have to hard pressed me to get an answer, I have to say my goal in life is just to make people special for me happy and of course to be happy.

So..happy birthday to me :-)

Tadaaa...

2008-01-21T19:53:00.000-07:00

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year..
He he..my first post this year. Finally after 21 days I have enough will to go to my blog, log in and let my lazy fingers move and type a posting. Well, actually, it was longer than that. Considering my last post was October 12th..that's a long time ago.

Many things happened since that day. I worked and still working. I had a one month winter break. I went to East Coast, traveled here and there. I was sick for half of the trip. I got even sicker after the trip. I had a little taste of American health treatment plus the medicine..:-). Mmmm, I have to remind myself to find a copy of Michael Moore's Sicko.

So, friends, here I am. Back on track, alive and kickin'.
Enough for a first post. I have to hit the shower before it gets colder. Which reminds me of my first winter in Arizona, December 2006. I'll talk about that later..

Bye...

Are you looking at me?

2007-10-12T10:10:00.000-07:00

This is one of the successful shot I had before the revelation.
What revelation? funny, just thinking about it makes me feel ashamed.
You know that I 'grew up' with digital cameras that have deep or large field of view (DOF) like Fuji S7000 and Kodak Z740.
All these years, my frame of mind is to keep the aperture as large as possible
to attain shallow DOF, you know, like those pros. :-P
When I go out to take photos I usually has three sessions (sounds like a pro photographers :-P)
First is Tele, where I usually use Olympus TCON 1.7 or just Leica from my FZ50.
I took pictures of birds and sometimes BIF, if the lighting condition is friendly enough for my TCON light-eater ~_~
which most of the time lock my f-stop at a small aperture on high speed exposure.

After I got a sprained neck for looking upward with a relatively heavy camera plus Tcon, pressed at my eye for about an hour, I sit down, take off the Tcon and start on Macro. Looking for butterflies, large to medium size bugs or anything that interest me.
After I scared them all away, then I put on my Micro explorer to ......... ants and small bugs.
This is the part where it gets really frustrating for me.
With the micro lens on, the DOF is really really shallow. Paper-thin DOF, that even if I breathe a little, the object falls out of focus, not to mention the wind, breeze, moving objects, sigh.
Let me tell you a secret, I have hundreds of out of focus micro pictures which just a few milimeters away from becoming a good photo.
It always looked good and perfect on the camera LCD,
but once I transferred them to my laptop and view it on screen,
the results was always disappointing.
It's not until few weeks ago that I just realize that I always set the aperture as large as photographically possible. I start at 2.8, which of course that was the culprit behind the paper-thin DOF.
Now, I always try to set the aperture as small as possible. The result is getting better. I got more hits than misses. But then again, small aperture, less light, dark picture pfh..
What I need is macro ring flash or light..ha ha...a never ending quest..

File size: 773863 bytes
File date: 2007:10:08 13:19:10
Camera make: Panasonic
Camera model: DMC-FZ50
Date/Time: 2007:10:08 11:03:50
Resolution: 2048 x 1536
Flash used: Yes (manual)
Focal length: 25.8mm (35mm equivalent: 217mm)
Exposure time: 0.0010 s (1/1000)
Aperture: f/4.0
ISO equiv.: 100
Whitebalance: Auto
Light Source: Flash
Metering Mode: matrix
Exposure: Manual
Exposure Mode: Auto bracketing

I think I...mmm

2007-10-01T10:13:00.000-07:00

I've been watching Korean drama Full House. I thought I told myself years ago that I didn't want to watch anymore drama. Last time I watched Kdrama was Autumn Tale or Endless Love and that's 7 years ago. It was too time consuming and emotionally dragging. I only watched it because Song Hye Kyo is the main actress there..:-). Now or to be exact few weeks ago, I got tempted and fell into the temptation. I started to watch Kdrama again. And just like a donkey kept falling on the same hole, I watch it because of Song Hye Kyo. You can't blame me..she is the cutest girl in the world he he he. To think that I'm already married, I felt like college student falling in love with TV idol..ha ha.Anyway, the story was standard drama, long and tiring but the girl..The Girl..

image property of Sidus.

On my sidebar

2007-09-24T21:48:00.000-07:00

I put link of my photobucket album on the sidebar. In case someone wants to see how I see the world through shutter..:-)
Not the best picture though, but I put my best shots there.
Well, I shoot average hundreds of pics on one outing but only few are keepers. Still learning and learning.

a trip to Mitchell park last week

2007-09-24T18:53:00.000-07:00

File size: 583188 bytes
File date: 2007:09:17 19:39:23
Camera make: Panasonic
Camera model: DMC-FZ50
Date/Time: 2007:09:17 13:47:52
Resolution: 2048 x 1536
Flash used: No
Focal length: 88.8mm (35mm equivalent: 748mm)
Exposure time: 0.0025 s (1/400)
Aperture: f/3.7
ISO equiv.: 100
Whitebalance: Auto
Metering Mode: matrix
Exposure: Manual
Exposure Mode: Auto bracketing

Letting DSLR go

2007-09-24T18:51:00.000-07:00

After countless nights pondering, thinking, considering and reconsidering..mostly financial wise and unwise..he he. I have come to a painful conclusion that i cannot afford a DSLR.
There are many reasons behind this decision. actually, I have enough budget to buy XTI or D40x or E410 with basic kit lens plus extra battery. but those packages alone would cost me around 800-900 dollar. What do i get? a very expensive camera with 18-55mm lens plus a spare battery and that’s it. But of course a very good camera IQ wise. good low light performance. virtually noise free image at all ISO, instant start up, almost no shutter lag and high continuous burst rate. I can go on with all the advantages of DSLR. but i won’t have telephoto, external flash, video recording capability, live view and tilting LCD which proved to be very useful when shooting above your head or very low or in such a difficult position that you cannot peek into the EVF. Well, my best option would be fz50. with just a bit over 900, i get a 10mp camera, 35-420mm focal range, plus 1.7 Tcon which will change my focal range to a whooping 714mm. i also get macro close up lens. in-camera image stabilizer. and external fully TTL flash. extra battery. it’s just plain simple. i will have to spend another 900 dollar if i want to get 400mm lens for DSLR. of course, image quality and the tiny sensor of FZ50 is no match to Canon CMOS sensor. but if I really think about it, it won’t be a problem. I can live with little bit noise on my pics. I’ve tried Nikon D40 low light performance, it was good. but Tamron 70-300mm at night and low light left nothing to be desired. I was waiting for a friend of mine to come back to AZ, because i want to see photo result of sigma 70-300mm. because If I buy DSLR I’m gonna get Sigma APO 28-300mm. very ideal for walk around lens. Well, I had chosen my path, I got my FZ50, with Olympus Tcon 1.7, Plus Raynox Micro Explorer. So far, I'm satisfied with it. I know the FZ50 limitation, and I know it's way beyond my skill for now. That's not a problem. However, deep down inside, I still long for a DSLR. Someday..maybe someday..:-)

so little time so much to do...

2007-07-10T18:27:00.000-07:00

I’m beat up. if you notice, there’s no post in my blog for ......., except for few pictures. I’ve been working 7 days a week, hardly any spare time to relax. and by the time I have the chance to sit in front of my laptop, I prefer to browse or play games. posting blog is in my hundredth list. rather sad, because these past few months held special times for me, for us. 3rd of June was our anniversary. the day we get together and 4th of June was our wedding anniversary. Our big day, a year ago. well, sometimes I just need to sit down and relax to start writing. a privilege that lately I don’t have. For example, right now, I’m sitting in a corner, on my break, typing on my PDA. I was planning to bring my laptop with me this morning, but sometimes i think 15inch is to cumbersome to lug around with. anyway, not having the time to post doesn’t necessarily means that i don’t have any idea. I have couple of things in my mind that i need to put down..

another try at panorama shots

2007-06-19T01:17:00.000-07:00

I'm back, but only for a moment..:-)

2007-05-28T22:24:00.000-07:00

After 25 days, finally I have the chance to post. I've been quite busy this past few weeks. Well, I've sold my soul to the devil..:-)..long story guys. maybe next week I'll tell you about it.
Earlier today I took a slow ride to Tempe Town Lake., wanna catch the sunset and doing some birds viewing. This is some of my shot. I didn't get lucky for the bird but I do have some beautiful sunset pics.
As soon as the sun starting to set, I begin to complain (to myself) about my camera. I took about 80 shots, but mostly blurred, even shots that I thought good turned out to be out of focus when I transfer them to my laptop. In the tele-end around 300-380mm, my camera really struggles to find the focus, and when it finally did, it focused on the wrong object or false focus. Yeah, I kept saying to myself, "It's the person who takes the picture not the camera". So I guess I have yet to learn to use it.

On “I Just Wanna Be Average”

2007-05-03T13:24:00.000-07:00

I've just finished reading Mike Rose's “I just wanna be average”. I know from a brief googling that he was anything but average. He is a professor in the School of Education, UCLA with many awards, a successful writer and teacher. But somehow I can relate to his story, his personal experience during high school that he was misplaced into a Vocational Education due to test result confusion. His test result was apparently got mixed up with another guy named Tommy Rose, who didn't do well in the test. Starting from that point, he was labeled “slow student” and be located in a special class for students who did not perform well academically.
I'm not really familiar with Vocational Education in United States, but I do know that in my country we have similar school. After graduating from junior high, students are then continue to senior high and then university. However, there is other path, after finishing junior high, student can take vocational school. A school which I believe prepares the student for employment right after graduation without having to continue to higher education. Vocational school gives the student basic level of skills for getting a job.
Anyway, that's not what I want to talk about. During the formal education period, I always placed (due to my below average performance) in the lower achievement tier. I never dream of being a top ten students in class, let alone in school. My objective was merely to pass the class and go to the next level. I've had my share of failure, I stayed for 2 years in 4th grade of elementary school. Fortunately, my parent took it well. I had no problem, I was too young (or too ignorant) to even realize that I had wasted 1 year of my life, my parents money and lost almost all of my friends.
Life goes on, I graduated elementary school, breezed through junior high and senior high. Although I feel that I didn't actually breeze, I muddled. I was always just a few grade points more from not passing the class. So, I was really an average student (if not below average). I strifed to be average, I learned, read, memorized, I did everything what I had to do, but half-heartedly. Chemistry classes confused me, Physics made me dizzy, Math frightened me and Economics gave me a headache. I really agree with Rose about how curriculum does not liberate the students, but occupies them. It really does occupied me.
University life was a bit different. I ended up in some private university in my hometown, taking English major. I like English, I like reading and even though I despise public attention, I at least can speak in front of my friends. There I learned that English was not that easy, it was not simple. All these years studying English in public school really deteriorate my English. That was the moment where I meet my most hideous foe in English, in my own term “the math of language”. Grammar, I hate grammar, I cannot stress enough that I don't like grammar. Why? Because I'm bad in grammar, just as I'm bad in math and in many other subjects. I'm lost, even analyzing the simplest sentence left me puzzled. But I still like English, I still read books and poems, listens to songs. I tried to speak English as much as I can. But still, even in University, studying a major which I really like, I'm still an average student. A label that i cannot get off from...

About Writing

2007-05-03T00:56:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure if I like to write. I just feel that I can express myself (and thoughts) easily in written forms. When speaking I tend to mixed up, little bit stuttering, and say the wrong words at the right time, the right words at a wrong time, and even say the wrong words at the wrong time (doubles the humiliation :-). With writing, situations are different. I believe that during the process of writing, I (accidentally) rearrange my jumbled, unsystematic thinking into a little bit organized form, a skill which probably comes from instinct (I believe instinct is not exclusive for animal :-)
I've spent 18 years of formal education, which most of the years includes teaching me how to write. Since the first grade of elementary school, junior high, senior high, through the last months of my university time, they (teachers and lecturers) told me to write and write and write. The ultimate achievement (to my caliber) was my bachelor degree thesis. I wrote about 80 pages of bullshit (doesn't necessarily meant that what I wrote there was not true), I did it with all my might, all heart and soul, 100 percent effort (I wasn't born with sparkling mind) and I was satisfied, very satisfied indeed. After having spent 4.5 years in learning theory (which at that time and sometimes up till now I believe has little or no contribution to my successful or unsuccessful working life), this thesis writing was the gate to get me off this circle of formal study, the long and winding road to working life. I finished my thesis in about 4 months but it took me two academic terms. To be honest, I saw it merely as a means to graduate and get a diploma. I wrote about linguistic, about grammar, but do I really care about grammar, do I? I know, that's a question with a big question mark that I should ask myself. I didn't care, though I know pretty well that actually I should (or must) care, at least for my own sake. Nonetheless. I passed, and graduated somnambulantly (a word that I create :-). But even after the ultimate achievement, I did not pick up any writing skill at all. I'm bad in almost all aspect of writing. Accuracy (grammar), clarity, developing and organizing ideas, I totally flunked.
Apart from that, I have to be grateful that I like to read. I haven't read a lot, but I read quite a lot of good writing. I read the works of people with excellent writing skills, witty (in written form), sharp and yet fun to read. I envied those people, having the ability to use the perfect words at the perfect time, sometime with ease. While I even still struggling with the monstrous Academic Writing that my wife confronts me with.
I'm tired of my incompetence, inability to speak and write clearly, systematically and accurately. So, few hours ago, I picked up a very thick book about writing that I bought for my wife months ago. I start to read about writing. What it is all about, the skills, the talent and the effort. I also polish up or to be exact, re-build my accuracy.
I cannot promise anyone, not even myself that my writings will be good, no. But hopefully, I will at least improve and that, I think my friend, should be just around the corner..^_^

Striking resemblance

2007-04-26T02:55:00.000-07:00

[Spoiler Warning, for those of you who haven't read these books and are planning to, are advised to read this afterward]

I've been wanting to write about this ever since I finished reading Dan Brown's Digital Fortress. I'm not sure whether other readers notice it or not, I've tried googling but no one seems to share the same thoughts. I've read all four of his books and I like them. Well, not sure how to say it (I'm not a reviewer :-), I enjoy reading his novel, the story goes how I want it to. The good guys always wins and the bad guys got it bad (which probably the standard plot formula of all times for both movies and novel he he..). However, there's this characterization similarity that I began to notice after I read three books. The first one I read was The Da Vinci Code, which I have to admit, it was because all the hip and hype about it (pretty much based on the controversy of the book). Then I read Angels and Demons, which actually Langdon's first adventure. Do you see the similarity between these two books?
The antagonist in The Da Vinci Code, Leigh Teabing a.k.a The Teacher, Langdon obviously trusted this guy since he decided to come to Leigh's château when the police were on their tails, but later in the story as the plot advanced, Leigh was behind Aringarosa and Silas. He was the one who controlled them.
In Angels and Demons, Carlo Ventresca a.k.a Camerlengo a.k.a Janus, he seemed to be the good guy at the beginning of the story, he assisted Langdon in their search. But in the end, he turned out to be the evil mind.
So, come to the next two books. Deception Point and Digital Fortress.
In Deception Point, William Pickering, Director of NRA, a.k.a The Controller, one person that Rachel Sexton really believes, he actually was the one behind all the killings and as a matter of fact, was the one who finally ordered to have Rachel eliminated.
And finally in Digital Fortress, Commander Trevor Strathmore: Deputy Director of the NSA, head of Crypto, who was secretly in love with Susan Fletcher, and the one who seemed to be the hero, was the one behind all the manipulation and fiasco.
And you know what, all main antagonists, all of them had means or accomplice. In Angels and Demon there was the Hassassin. The Da Vinci Code was Silas, Deception Point has the Delta Force team, and Digital Fortress has Hulohot as the assassin.
I'm currently waiting for Dan Brown's fifth book, The Solomon Key. I am wondering, how the plot would end up.
Mmm, what do you think guys?

In the verge of giving up

2007-04-25T01:42:00.000-07:00

Damn (sorry..), I'm just few breath away from giving up. After 10 days, I'm still stuck in 8th line of Cavatina. Remember my previous post about barre chords? I still can't make them sound even after I pressed my index finger as hard as I could against the fretboard. What's wrong with my finger? I can't remember when was the last time I face obstacle this hard in learning a song. My mind begin telling me that perhaps it's not my level yet. Maybe five years later...of maybe never..pfh..

Browser

2007-04-23T16:45:00.000-07:00

Long time ago, after I got frustrated with Internet Explorer, before Opera becomes free. There was a browser that I always used, Firefox by Mozilla. I was really amazed by it's capability, user-friendly, reliable and free :-). Tabbed browsing was my favorite feature. I was a crazy browser and downloader, opening many downloads in many windows is not uncommon. Browsing up to 10-15 pages at a time. You know, “right-click, open in new window and save target as” has become a routine for me. I remember when I was downloading Garfield comic strip (Yeah, Gotta love that cat), imagine opening 1 month comic in 30 windows, waiting for the page to fully loaded. It's just some Internet activities that IE can't handle (IMHO).

Don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against Microsoft, I always use Windows as my OS, never try anything else. I worked with Microsoft Office all the time, except for now, where I chose not to buy Office 2003 and use Open Office instead (it's free :-). But for best browsing experience Firefox is way better than IE (probably until now).

There was one thing that made me curious at that time, everytime I read some reviews for browser in computer magazine, Firefox was only the number one browser for free category. While Opera was best all round browser (around 2004-2005). So I download and installed Opera shareware (with the advertisement and all) and found it even better than Firefox. And I've been using Opera since then. The feature that I really like is mouse gesture, I practically cannot live without it. I use it all the time and this feature really helps me, it makes easier to navigate between pages, going back and forth, scrolling through endless windows.
However, I'm still installing newer versions of other browsers (Firefox and IE) only for comparison and compatibility issues that sometimes come up.

Well, nothing is perfect, still looking for the best browser out there...

Macro shot

2007-04-22T14:06:00.000-07:00

Camera make: EASTMAN KODAK COMPANY
Camera model: KODAK Z740 ZOOM DIGITAL CAMERA
Date/Time: 2007:04:22 13:37:17
Resolution: 1024 x 768
Flash used: No
Focal length: 6.3mm (35mm equivalent: 38mm)
Exposure time: 0.033 s (1/30)
Aperture: f/2.8
ISO equiv.: 140
Whitebalance: Auto
Metering Mode: matrix
Exposure: program (auto)

Some changes

2007-04-21T02:16:00.000-07:00

After two days of editing, tweaking, headache, looking for help here and there (thanks to bizwhiz), I finally made it. This blog now has three columns and graphic header, with just a brief introduction to basic HTML, something that I never pay attention before. Blog editing turned out to be as fun as blogging. Well, now a new label for post related to blog editing.

little about labels..

2007-04-19T00:07:00.000-07:00

Last week I started giving labels to my posts, even to my older posts. Up till now, there are 4 labels. Oh Life, Photography, Poem and Games.
Oh Life is about my life, is about my daily experience and sometimes about my thoughts. Photography is picture post, basically contains pictures that I've taken, added with EXIF data. Poem (which become more and more rare :-) is my poem. I have some more poems that I'm planning to upload later.
And last, Games. I'm not sure why I have this labels. It was about unfinished post on video games that I wrote weeks ago. I lost interest in finishing it and ended up uploading my console collection picture.

There you go..
little about labels..

2007-04-17T01:25:00.000-07:00

This afternoon, while I was browsing, looking for information about the release of Canon 1D Mark III, I came upon an interesting site owned by a photographer. One thing that interests me the most is Panoramic Photograph but not Panoramix the druid from Asterix series :-). Panoramic photography is about joining (stitching) multiple images that cannot be covered only by one shot. In his site he displayed many great panoramic photographs that even cannot be covered by the wide angle of human eyes. So, interested, intrigued,inspired, I jumped off the couch, grabbed my camera and tripod, off I go to make my own panoramic shot.

My apartment's living room was my first object. I located the tripod in a point that I think is the center of my apartment. Locked the tilt handle and start taking picture. After about 10 shots, I transferred to my laptop and start stitching. To my surprise, all shots have different exposure, different focus and at different angle. I couldn't possibly stitch them perfectly. I guess Panoramic Photography is not as simple as I thought,

Then I began to look for some answers in Internet. It turn out that even the professionals are using special software for stitching, for joining the pictures together. So they can join those pictures seamlessly. Still one question though, how do they locked the exposure, the angle and focus distance. I'm afraid the problem lies in my camera. My camera is auto focus only, no manual focusing, no custom white balance, all are set automatically. Well, so much for my new career in Panoramic Photography, I'll just settle with macro and ultra zoom for now..:-)

Mmmm, can anybody give me Canon 1D Mark III please.. I won't be able to use it to its fullest, but I think I can learn..he he he...

My favorite bookstore

2007-04-17T00:35:00.000-07:00

If you ask people, which bookstore is the best in US, most likely the answer you get will be BORDER or Barnes and Noble or Amazon. They have a wide variety of books, vast collections and cozy atmosphere. I enjoy occasional visits to the nearest Border store in my neighbourhood. But if you ask me which bookstore is the best in US, I will surely answer, Goodwill. Why? Well, you can't beat the prices there. Books are sold very cheap there. The inventory is not as grand as other book store, but I can live with that. I have all Dan Brown's books from there, not new but in good conditions. I bought The Lord of The Rings Trilogy, including The Hobbit, all four of them just less than 4 dollars. I consider myself as shelves hunter (my own term ^_^). Hunting for good and cheap books. I can scan all bookshelves in Goodwill in less than 30 minutes, that's the only time I usually have, before going to work. A little stiffness in my neck is just a small price to pay after six or seven shelves..:-). Anyway, I believe a lot of people also buy books there, especially during the 50% off day. Once I saw this one lady with a trolley full of used books.
Now, the problem is what am I going to do with my growing book collections, I have to take them all back to Indonesia eventually. How much should I pay for the shipping. I could end up paying a lot of money to send those books to Indonesia.
That's another thing, I still have one year here. In the mean time, I just keep building my own library by coming to Goodwill every 50% off day..:-)

Froggie

2007-04-15T01:48:00.000-07:00

Camera make: EASTMAN KODAK COMPANY
Camera model: KODAK Z740 ZOOM DIGITAL CAMERA
Date/Time: 2006:01:10 16:32:31
Resolution: 800 x 615
Flash used: Yes (auto)
Focal length: 13.7mm (35mm equivalent: 82mm)
Exposure time: 0.011 s (1/90)
Aperture: f/3.2
ISO equiv.: 80
Whitebalance: Auto
Metering Mode: matrix
Exposure: program (auto)

Those nasty barre chords

2007-04-15T01:22:00.000-07:00

It's almost 2 AM, I'm still awake, accompanied by cold pizza, my guitar, and 6 size font-prints of Cavatina tabs. Stuck in the fourth line out of 32 lines. My fingers and wrist hurt because of bending and twisting in an inhuman position :-). Those barre chords, I just can't get them to sound. Other people seem to crunch easily like potato chips. I checked in Youtube, and found out that at least half a dozen people are playing this piece like a piece of cake. Damn those barre chords
But I will not give up,I will climb that 32 line..Hopefully..:-)

Bee and Lotus

2007-04-14T03:09:00.000-07:00

Camera make: EASTMAN KODAK COMPANY
Camera model: KODAK Z740 ZOOM DIGITAL CAMERA
Date/Time: 2005:12:17 11:24:59
Resolution: 800 x 625
Flash used: No (auto)
Focal length: 6.3mm (35mm equivalent: 38mm)
Exposure time: 0.0010 s (1/1000)
Aperture: f/2.8
ISO equiv.: 80
Whitebalance: Auto
Metering Mode: matrix
Exposure: program (auto)

2007-04-14T02:15:00.000-07:00

Funny things about me and guitar. I just can't get enough of them. I have more guitar than I ever need. I'm not guitar maestro, not even a good player but I just love 'em. they're so sexy, sleek and slender.. :-).
Being away from home, means being away from my guitars.
Right now, they're sleeping peacefully in carton boxes, tens of thousands of mile away from me.
Finally, on my birthday, I gave myself a present. I bought a guitar. My sleepy fingers, I awake them, slap them, bend them. I play again and this time, Cavatina by Stanley Myers accompany me..

2007-04-13T00:29:00.000-07:00

Brain check..

2007-02-16T02:34:00.000-07:00

16th of February

my mind was bothered by something these past couple of days. I was feeling like a high school student going for an exam. I don’t know when was the last time I use my brain to actually memorize something. I was planning to take food handling test to obtain food handling card. I was given a 6-page book about food handling. I was saying to myself, damn I have to memorize all these. I don’t know whether I can still memorize, I don't even know that I still have brain. ha ha. and you know what, today I took the test, and you know what again, I passed, not on!y passed, but I got a perfect score, no mistakes..ha ha. I was shocked, astonished, anything..I didn’t expect to get a perfect score, not even near . well, I guess my brain is still up there and somehow it’s still working. :D. Well, nonetheless, the test was easy, multiple choice, no essay. so not really a big achievement. the bottom line is, now i am a qualified food handler..:P

I miss them..:-(

2006-12-31T01:15:00.000-07:00

Bla..bla..bla..err..pardon..bla..bla..@_@

2006-12-04T16:53:00.000-07:00

I know, probably you wonder what those words above mean. As most of you have known, I'm in uncle Sam's territory now, not as a terrorists :-), but as an alien but not illegal alien although some of my alienity (I know it's not a word) is a little bit illegal..:-). It's been 28 days until now. I'm beginning to understand what they mean when they say the best way in learning a language is to live in the country where the people speaks the language. Although I think I speak more English when I was still in Indonesia than when I'm here now. Here, passively or in a more linguistic term, 'receptively' I get more chance to listen to people speaking in English, in a large variety of ways. This condition really trains my dull brain (do I own one?) to instantly relates words that I hear into a meaningful sentence and if I failed to do so, those words will turn into a meaningless gibberish words.
Really, just a week ago, I was on my way home from Fry's Electronic, I was sitting there in a bus, alone, somewhat losing direction and orientation but not totally lost (confusing?) when the bus driver suddenly started talking (to me?) of course, i didn't see anyone in the bus except the two of us. I knew and was very sure (100%) that he was speaking in English, and I know he was speaking fluently. I don't know whether I have hearing problem or brain problem (or both :p), but at that time, I just couldn't catch what he was saying, the information just lost between my two ears and my brain. And then, my all-time-handy-lost-in-conversation phrase came out, “yeah, you're right” (uttered with a very persuasive and convincing facial expression). He laughed, and then I laughed after him. My laughs was not really convincing, as I didn't know whether he was laughing about the topic of our conversation or he was laughing at me (or my spaced-out look:-)
The one-sided conversation ended awkwardly. I don't know which one is more relaxing, the sudden silence or the awkward conversation. The silence felt longer, not a total silence though, ambiance of traffic of people rushing home accompanied our silly situation. I begin to doubt my proficiency in listening comprehension just like I lost faith in my grammar accuracy years ago.
Anyway, all those may have been a normal cultural shock, language shock, shock therapy or whatever. Maybe it can happen to anyone (at least I kept convincing myself), anytime, anywhere...

Yeah right..:-)

Distance..separation..and Love..Harmony

2006-10-03T00:31:00.000-07:00

A VALEDICTION: FORBIDDING MOURNING.
by John Donne

AS virtuous men pass mildly away,
And whisper to their souls to go,
Whilst some of their sad friends do say,
"Now his breath goes," and some say, "No."

So let us melt, and make no noise,
No tear-floods, nor sigh-tempests move ;
'Twere profanation of our joys
To tell the laity our love.

Moving of th' earth brings harms and fears ;
Men reckon what it did, and meant ;
But trepidation of the spheres,
Though greater far, is innocent.

Dull sublunary lovers' love
—Whose soul is sense—cannot admit
Of absence, 'cause it doth remove
The thing which elemented it.

But we by a love so much refined,
That ourselves know not what it is,
Inter-assurèd of the mind,
Care less, eyes, lips and hands to miss.

Our two souls therefore, which are one,
Though I must go, endure not yet
A breach, but an expansion,
Like gold to aery thinness beat.

If they be two, they are two so
As stiff twin compasses are two ;
Thy soul, the fix'd foot, makes no show
To move, but doth, if th' other do.

And though it in the centre sit,
Yet, when the other far doth roam,
It leans, and hearkens after it,
And grows erect, as that comes home.

Such wilt thou be to me, who must,
Like th' other foot, obliquely run ;
Thy firmness makes my circle just,
And makes me end where I begun..

Goodbye my friend...

2006-10-02T03:10:00.000-07:00

You have been with me for more than 5 years..
We share so many stories, we had laughter, tears, memories, irreplaceable memories..
I remember the day I met you for the first time..
It was a sunny day in 2001..
I got off from campus and went to Lempuyangan train station to pick you up..
Starting from that day, we’ve been together..
Through the rain, the burning sun, the hot asphalt...
Hundreds of miles we ground together..
Countless occasion where you really helped me..
You never let me down...You took me everywhere I want to go..
Though I never really take care of you, dusty and dirty..
But you’re always there for me..

I’m sorry, I had to let you go..
I don’t know why, but I have no other option..
I’m sorry my friend...

I hope you find a better place..
Someone who really care about you..
Who’ll take good care of you...
And both of you shall have great stories together..

Good bye...

Keep on rolling and follow the wild in your heart...

Baso Malang “Oasis” (revisited)

2006-09-28T05:27:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, when I arrived in Sukarno-Hatta Airport, on the way out, the driver took the wrong turn and we had to go back to the departure area.
The last time I went to that area was 9th of July 2006.
Yesterday, I looked at Baso Malang “Oasis” as the car moved slowly through the driveway; everything was like a slow motion. I can see us there, sitting, laughing, taking pictures together..
There..in that place, we spent our last few hours together..rushing through the limited time. I remember that moment, so clearly as if it happens yesterday.
I remember, the moment you walked through that door and never look back. There was nothing left for me to do but turned around and walk away. So much for a good bye..

Probably that place had seen hundreds or maybe even thousands of goodbyes..of farewell. Had witnessed countless of tears and heart breaks, separation. And our goodbye is just another goodbye..

But maybe..tens of thousand of miles from that place, a place called arrival area in Arizona, will be another witness for a reunion..our reunion..
Hopefully soon...

Absurdity

2006-09-28T05:11:00.000-07:00

it has become a routine..
Everyday, at the same time..
We meet in a virtual world, a realm called internet.
Well, it's a saviour realm for me. There, I can hear you, I can hear your voice, I can almost touch you with my mind..(Almost touch is not a touch..)

But..it's empty..there isn't any flesh, no fragrance, no warm breath..no soft silken skin..no real you..just your voice..

I miss you..Really miss you..
every second that I endure, is another note, musical note to end this serene lover's serenade...
Oh, How I would love to add more paces in this overture, get it over with, and begin the concert...

Missing you..

Me, My love and My Love..Part 1

2006-09-28T05:09:00.000-07:00

My promise for the title “I cannot live without her”

I call her my lovely wife...
A 27-year old woman (yes dear, you’re not a girl anymore ^_^)
We shared moments, cherish them, best time, great times..
We’ve been through a lot, we will go through a whole lot more..
If you ask me, I’ll say I am really thankful, I’ve been blessed, and still being blessed.
When there no season, no reason not to love someone so deeply so eagerly painful, for every goods and bads that I bear, for every drops of tear, ounce of laughter, for the ups and downs, I will love her, and love her still..
Just like the vow I made “to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part”
Yet, I’ve decided not to let go, not even till death do us part....

Even now..

2006-09-20T05:22:00.000-07:00

I read this in my friend's bulletin board, Even Now by Barry Manilow.
I don't know, but I can really feel the sadness in this song..
Well, I can only say to my friend, be tough, past is past. Let her go..
If you still love her, let her go, she's happy now and I'm sure you want her to be happy..

Even Now..

When there's someone else who cares
When there's someone home who's waiting just for
me
Even now I think about you as I'm climbing up the
stairs
And I wonder what to do so she won't see
That even now
When I know it wasn't right
And I found a better life than what we had
Even now I wakeup crying in the middle of the night
And I can't believe it still could hurt so bad

Even now when I have come so far
I wonder where you are
I wonder why it's still so hard without you
Even now when I come shining through
I swear I think of you
And how I wish you knew
Even now

Even now
When I never hear your name
And the world has changed so much since you
been gone
Even now I still remember and the feeling's still the
same
And the pain inside of me goes on and on
Even now

Even now when I have come so far
I wonder where you are
I wonder why it's still so hard without you
Even now when I come shining through
I swear I think of you
And God I wish you knew
Some how
Even now..

What's in a name..

2006-09-13T04:17:00.000-07:00

"Tis but thy name that is my enemy;
Thou art thyself, though not a Montague.
What's Montague? it is nor hand, nor foot,
Nor arm, nor face, nor any other part
Belonging to a man. O, be some other name!

What's in a name? that which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet;
So Romeo would, were he not Romeo call'd,
Retain that dear perfection which he owes
Without that title. Romeo, doff thy name,
And for that name which is no part of thee
Take all myself"

The monologue above was taken from the famous Romeo and Juliet. Juliet's monologue, expressing her regrets over a name, or actually two names. Capulet and Montague.

I wonder, probably if not because of names, Romeo and Juliet (or whatever their new names) would have been together, living peacefully.
Yeah, I know, in the story, name is more than a name. It’s a family name, and the name burdened by family dignity, feud, hatred and vengeance..
Priceless or useless I don’t know.

Well, these past few weeks I’m a little bit ticked off by all the fuss regarding names. Hassle over something that actually trivial (according to me). It seems that some country (mmm..which country ^_^) really want to make it clear about first name, middle name, last name or any other names, I mean, I’m an ordinary citizen, with ordinary activities and I’m not some terrorists with lots A.K.A probably, or with hundreds of alias. In my country, we don’t really care about it, at least I never have any problems with my name or how they put it documents. My full name is my full name, no first name, no last name. Don Bosco Laksma Budya Wardhana, that’s my name, the whole me and nothing but me.
Yeah, I have but to obey this rule. I have to cut my name, separate them (I’m so sorry dad..) Put them into category.

But don’t worry, with or without my name, full name or empty name or any name..I am me, and always be me...Inside and outside..just like romeo..

Love 'n Peace..
^_^

Memories..

2006-09-13T03:38:00.000-07:00

Earth, Sat, 090906,08.29 AM

Funny, how a certain object, memento, can throw you back through time..makes you remember about the past, your past, about your life, your love..and any events related to it..

Do you remember the Famous Five, by Enid Blyton? I've read them, maybe almost all of them, ever since I was still in elementary school. I've known their adventures, stories. But they belonged to the past, my past. I haven't meet them for probably 13-14 years. it was not until few days ago, that they suddenly came back. I accidentally found a complete collection of Enid Blyton works on the Internet. I downloaded them, and start reading. Then everything was like the past..It was not the story, it was not them, but it's about reading their adventures. I felt like I was sucked back to that time. I was laying down on my bed, reading, it's the same, just as what usually happened 13 years ago. Suddenly, I feel like I'm in my old house, the house where I stayed the first time I moved to Jakarta, our house..my room, everything feels like the past. I kept reading and reading and all the memories which were connected to the book came back to life. My friends, my friend's book, my childhood crush (^_^, mmm where is she now, I even forget her name), my school's library, the friendly librarian..I can list hundreds of things here..came back to me just because of a book..

You know, some people kept records of what had happened in their past. They collect memorabilia of events that they went through, and kept them as they move along. Some people moved on and never looked back. Erasing the story of their past, throwing away all stuff connected to them. I remember one day, I accompanied my friend to do a moving on ritual. After breaking up with a lover, all the letters, photos were collected and then burned. My friend looking blankly through the flame, as it washes away all the memories, ended with a sigh.

Well, not me. I’m the kind of person who collects memory. I kept them all in two places. One in my mind and another one in some shoe boxes. The one in the box, it usually got accidentally thrown away time after time. Some I hold dearly, some I let go heavily. But I keep them all in my mind, in my brain. In there, there are a lot of similar small boxes, contain a lot of memories. All of them are locked. I don’t have the key. Sometimes I found the key accidentally, the box was opened, and everything flings out. All the stories, events, person, memories. I cannot erase them, they belong to me, they contributed to what I am now. What I have become. They are parts of me...

drei monat..August 27, 2006

2006-09-05T05:29:00.000-07:00

27th of August 2006..don's log. Sunday 21.15.

do you all remember what happen three months ago?
do you remember what day was 27th of May 2006?

It was Saturday, 27th of May 2006. Started just like an ordinary day..
I woke up early, around five, turn on my pc and play some games.
It never did occur in my mind that something was going to happen,
Something that changed my life and many others..

I had a lot of plans that day; I was going to take some pictures,
Do some preparation for my wedding which was due one week after that day
I was suppose to be busy with my wedding preparation..
But it turned out that I was really busy, but with something else..

There was an earthquake, and that day didn’t end as an ordinary day, that day become an extraordinary day, in the worst kind of meaning.
Thousands of people lost their lives and hundreds of thousands lost their home..
Probably, some even lost their sanity, their faith.
Until now, three months from the devastating earthquake, the life hasn’t quite back to normal. A lot of people still live in tent, no job, no income..
No future probably, they have only today and hopefully another tomorrow..
Three months ago, my wedding party was cancelled
Three months ago, all the preparation, all the plan was called off
But one thing, one important thing..
There was still a wedding, our wedding..
Simple wedding in Ganjuran,
In front of the temple of the Sacred Heart of Jesus

And Three months later..
Today..Sunday 27th of August 2006
I’m grateful
That we still have our wedding
That our family is okay,
That we still have each other
Even though we’re far away

And today, even when I cannot see you
And I cannot touch you...At least I can hear you..your voice
And I’m thankful for that..
Thank God (again and again and again)

Elegy of a dream..August 17, 2006

2006-09-05T05:27:00.000-07:00

You came to my dream last night
or was it the night before..
It felt so real, your uninterruptible presence
reminiscing our sleepless nights
and early woken morning ..
Of the not-so-far past..
Bringing my every sense went astray..
our quick, short closed breath..
Inhaling..exhaling sweat saturated air..

It was when I’m with you...
It’s the long miles between us
Suddenly vanished into emptiness
I haven’t forgotten your figure..
Every inch of your body vividly emblazoned
In my palm, at the tip of my finger, on my lips..
Soft, sweetly smelled skin..
Gently surrounding my consciousness..
Embracing in a determine pace..
Slowly walking up hills..
Running, rolling, down hills..

But then..
Miles is a miles, distant runner came to an end..
Ending the spring time of my dream..
And all that’s left is just scrambled sheets
Dreary morning and short pulse of my heart
Your presence back in my mind..
In a fragrance, in an untouchable illustration
Back to real world, absence back in charge
Free but emotionally costly ride to reality..

You came to my dream last night..
Or was it the night before..

And tonight, I’ll be waiting, relenting
In that corner, in that room..
In an empty space, belonged to the past..
A restless dream...

I wanna be with her...August 10, 2006

2006-09-05T05:26:00.000-07:00

Lonely jogja..10th of August 2006..

I wanna be with her..

I wanna have in the air that I breathe..
The fragrance of her hair
She’s in my mind,
Her presence occupies my memory
No, she’s not bothering my sleep,
She’s in my dream though
Not every night..but in every waking hour..
A sleepless dream..
A smile, buds of her smiles
Lingering in the corner of my mind..
While the rest of her, drown me in longing..
For her presence..

Do I still wanna miss her..
Do I have a choice..
I’m missing her..
And there’s no cure for that..

I just wanna be with her..
When she opens her eyes every morning..
When she closes her eyes at night
Let me count my longing and sell them
Let me save my sadness and burn them
Let me stack my hopes..
And build a bridge to a place..
Where she lives..
or..God..
please give me wings..
so I can fly to her not with my thoughts

Because...
I just wanna be with her...

Tech talk..August 03, 2006

2006-09-05T05:25:00.000-07:00

wireless world..

Nowadays..(No, I’m not gonna say nowadays English plays an important role..bla bla..^_^) Nowadays, in the era of wireless, wireless this, wireless that. Everybody (possibly) boast the need of wireless. My friend even bought wireless mouse and keyboard.
What’s the use, it’s not that you’re gonna bring them everywhere you go. He already got too many wires and cables on or all around his desk, so losing two cables doesn’t really fix the chaos.
In my office, we have access point. So we have wireless connection, although not everybody used it, most of us still wired or cabled.
If you look at the notebooks spec these days, most of them are packed with wi-fi connection, wi-fi enabled. So, what the hell is wi-fi. Well, wireless fidelity. It enables devices to interact (exchange data, connect to web..etc) in any way possible with other devices (my own not-so-technical definition..^_^). In other word, no cables are required to connect to other devices or internet, no physical connection is necessary.
mmm..Physical connection? This is what brought me to wifey, errr I mean wi-fi topic.
I think that not only computer or electronic devices need Wi-fi. Relationship needs also wi-fi. What do you mean? Yeah, what do I mean? You see, as I said earlier, it enables communication without physical connection. And also the word fidelity, it means [fidelity n. 1 faithfulness, loyalty] according to, let me check first....according to oxford reference list. A relationship doesn’t have to depend on wired connection, or physical connection, even though a couple is apart from each other, no matter how far and for how long, if their relation is Wi-fi enabled, then that won’t be a problem. A couple will stay faithful to each other even when they are away from each other, even when there’s no physical connection between them.
Yeah, talk is cheap, and most of you would prefer not to have long distance relation. I mean who would want to be away from someone we love, right?. But, lets put it this way, you cannot always be together (24/7/12), who knows what might happen (not always bad thing, it was a good thing in my case). Something drags you away from your loved ones or vice versa. What if you cannot stand to be away from each other, or worst you cannot handle solitary, being alone, then you get lonely (loneliness, remind me to write about loneliness next time). Well, with wireless fidelity, you won’t have that problem, because you’re both connected wirelessly (a word?). Right now, as you can probably see from my posts, I’m away from my loved one, away from my wife (note that they’re refer to one person..^_^). The distance between us is 16181 kilometers (10,055 miles) straight line, meaning that on-road; we are more far away than that. It’s not easy, but not impossible. I’m sure that we’ll make it, no matter how far we are separated..because my relation is Wi-fi enabled.
So friends, is you relation Wi-fi enabled? If not then, upgrade it, it’s free..^_^
and don’t forget, buy wireless mouse and keyboard too.. hue he he he....

Testimony of quasi-witnesses..August 01, 2006

2006-09-05T05:23:00.000-07:00

Yes, I know her; she walks this street every morning.
I kinda like her smile, she’s cute..
I know her, as she walks by every morning..

Me too, I know her, I saw her once.
We took picture together, she sat at my feet..
Not much happening here, so silent.
But I know her, she visited me once..

I meet hundreds of people everyday, didn’t really pay attention.
But I think I remember..She has this ring which she wears as necklace.
I know her. Such a lovely girl..such a lovely smile..

Yeah..
They all know you..They can see you..
Oh..what a privilege..
Such a lovely girl..such a lovely smile..

Long days..(really long)..July 31, 2006

2006-09-05T05:22:00.000-07:00

I can’t live without her..episode 2 of a prequel..

It’s only been three weeks, yet feels like a million years .I can’t even remember how many times I have said I miss you. Just like the dust in the corner of my room or behind the door, I kept sweeping them everyday, but I missed them, all the time. They just linger there, looking at me, looking at you in my mind. I miss thousands of seconds that I spent without you. How I want to collect all my longing and trade them for pennies or dimes, just a spare, like a beggar. To buy my wings, my breath, to fly to you. I feel like Jon, sleeping in his bed of nails, waiting for the bird on the wire, who’ll fly me to you. I feel like the prologue of a story, and you are the epilogue of an unfinished work. That we will meet only if the story is finished and read. Right now, the story is far and away, and painful, every empty page of the book transpires sadness, unwilling to let go and finish the misery. I still have to endure them, however, testing my love, to My Love. And I promise you, till the last page, the last paragraph, the last sentence..the last word, letter..I will wait, till the prologue embraces the epilogue in a beautiful story..

Mind-numbing meeting....July 31, 2006

2006-09-05T05:21:00.000-07:00

Mind-numbing meeting

Have you ever been trapped (voluntarily) in a bus full of people, and you're standing (with a bunch of people), for 9 hours?
Well, If you've been there, poor you then, I've never been in such situation. But what I went through today came very close..
I just had a mind-numbing meeting, so intense that I had to turn of my long term memory and minimize thinking. Everything feels so important yet personally trivial to me. Thank God it’s over (and hopefully with a good result).

I can't live without you..(such a cliche) but true.. July 30, 2006

2006-09-05T05:19:00.000-07:00

I can't live without you..(such a cliche) but true..

Pffh..another breath out of this cold hungry body..(ooo..)
How long has it been..December the 5th..to 30th of July 06
Yeah, I lost contact with my blog, since it keeps messing up with my new post...
Decided to give it a try again tonight..

I’m here..still here, wandering in this virtual senseless world..I need home..but reluctant go back to my lonely box (that’s what I call my boarding room) I’m hungry but too lazy to leave my chair..it’s almost 10 PM..
I just finished chatting with my wife..(what!!...Wife?) yeah, I got married last June, fourth of June to be exact. Long story friend, very long. I’ll tell you if you have the time.
Have you got the time? Well, I don’t have the time, not now.
Mmm..if this works..(the blog I mean) if this time they didn’t eat up my new post. lost in space..then I’ll start blogging again..
And as for the title. It’ll have to wait too. Hopefully I won’t be too busy tomorrow..
There’ll be a meeting I probably have to attend..(probably, but hopefully not..^_^)

Take care now, Bye-bye then..(Tribute to Mr. Ventura..^_^)

Gute nacht..Bis Morgen

dums..dumss..log 2nd of Dec 2005

2006-09-05T05:16:00.000-07:00

Pfh..another month passes by..
soon it will be 6 already..oopss..just the first half of a year.
will i make it..will we...~_~
Ugh..How i hate this complicatedness (a word?)

Well, saving some money..still 3.5 million away from my S2 IS..
Hopefully i can manage to get it before she leaves..

She's leaving? where? why?
Ugh..who am i kidding here..
Noboby cares..no one..
no one but some cats and five kittens...
or probably they didn't care too...

the leaf that falls on a rainy day...
see you in the next post...

Log 16th of Nov 2005

2006-09-05T05:15:00.000-07:00

Pfh...two years....24 months..104 weeks..730 days..17,520 hours..1,051,200 minutes..63,072,000 seconds...that's a very long time of missing someone....
Dums...dums..dums..

Log..6th of October...

2006-09-05T05:13:00.000-07:00

log..log...log...

tadaaa.....today is the 6th of october..nothing special...
this is my tenth post if i'm not mistaken..
actually i don't have any interesting stuff to share..
just popping in....
ok then...see ya..all..

Log..8th of Sept 2005

2006-09-05T05:12:00.000-07:00

Going Home Again

Again, I find myself looking at my watch

And the minutes hand is going slowly to six

A sudden feeling of loneliness creeps up

Her voice seems to fade and fade

Laughter, voice and sounds of wind, faint

I am drowning in my own thoughts

The thoughts of being away from her

For another very quick second

I look at my watch again

The hand is like a silent assassin

It stops when I look at it, stand still

But when I turn away, it stabs me

Bringing me closer to goodbye

Cursed are the hands of time

Again, I wish the time to freeze

So I can be next to her infinitely

But then again, just a wishful thinking

Bow under the power of Chronus

The hand strikes six and it struck hard

I held my head up, breathe deeply and stand…

Drag my two cumbersome feet

Going Home Again…sigh

Log..log..16th of August 2005

2006-09-05T05:11:00.000-07:00

My log..16th of August 2005, one day before Independence Day

I'm smilling..^_^
For two obvious reasons..
one, because yesterday is payday..so still have lotsa cash..:P
two, for sentimental reason...no need to describe it here..he he he

just dropping by..
bye...

Log..log..27th of July 2005

2006-09-05T05:09:00.000-07:00

Log...27th of July...

How often do we have to say or express our feeling to our beloved. Is once a day enough, or twice a day..or every five minute? Will there be enough time to show our feeling to the one we love...

You know, I think that while we still have breath, while this heart is still pumping..we should always take chances to express how we feel towards the person we love...cause we never know what will happen, will tomorrow comes...Love like there's no tomorrow..

So,express it, say it and say it out loud..

Log..log..4th of July 2005

2006-09-05T05:06:00.000-07:00

4th of July..whooa..today is the US independence day...not important he he he
Yeeaaaaaah...just came back yesterday..finally after a very long 8 days for me...
and then...the Sun shine again in my sky...^_^

Log..log..log..15th June 2005

2006-09-05T04:36:00.000-07:00

Ehm...PAY DAAAAAAY!!!! Phew..gotta get that excitement out my head...
Now, to the mushy stuff, like any other blog he he..

..3rd of April..and then 3rd of June..both in 2005. Well, two months is the period between them. what could happen in two months..what has happen?

..mm..dunno..it feels right when it's right...right? or it can also feels wrong when it's right? he he he..nuff with the right and wrong.

today is the 12th day i'm sailing with my friend in the sea, with my new boat..and so far, the cruising is not bad, some big waves and some small ones...but deep within me, i feel a storm is coming..I just hope that my little boat can take it, and we'll survive...

Tschau...

My Log..27th of April 2005

2006-09-04T06:27:00.000-07:00

Three weeks..what does three weeks mean...
Many things had happened to me this past three weeks..many wonderful things if I may say.

today's log. 01 04 05..

2006-09-04T06:23:00.000-07:00

have you ever had someone flying around in you head and no matter what you do and don't do, this person keeps messing with your mind...
Well, whatever that is, damn I wanna get her out of my head..^_^

going to be quite busy today..a lot of translations to do...

Moving from Friendster Blog..

2006-09-04T05:42:00.000-07:00

I'm moving from my friendster blog to this blogger. I think this host offers more designs, supports creativity and better than Friendster. I can upload my pictures also. Well, the next 21 posts are taken from my Friendster Blog.

Regards,

Nod

Parangtritis 14 januari 05...

2005-12-15T20:04:00.000-07:00

YOGYA BLUE

If I never lay my eyes upon your charm
Your beauty my angel will bring me no harm
I’d be standing here and looking up to the sky
Spending my four erudition years without a cry

But the moment your smile shine on my heart
Your one and only presence torn myself apart
The sparkling Loveliness struck all my defenses
Left me stranded here with my heart in pieces

I try but never dare to put my fantasy on you
Yet I know what I felt for you inside is true
To leave and let you go is hard for me to decide
Although I know that you are on the other side

This town is the soundless witness
Valediction to withered emotions
Lost and concealed love and fondness
To a beauty that puts my heart to rest

Welcome

2005-12-11T21:58:00.000-07:00

DREAM AND DISCOVER...